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Introduction: Take two cinematic icons of super charged masculinity and watch the testosterone… ooze? What does testosterone do anyway? Fly? Diffuse?
“Two men enter. One man leave.” That’s the principle here behind The Arena. Because we at Chaser know that after women and wine, there’s nothing. So we whittle our time away with bullshit conjecture about ridiculous hypotheticals. We take two things, pit them against each other in The Arena, poll our staff and see who comes out on top. Then you tell us how fucking stupid we are. Begin.
 
Erik | I'd go with Wallace simply because he got by with a bunch of peasant rabble. In terms of military abilities, Maximus may have the edge because of his status as a Roman general, but then, he was leading the Felix legions which were the best soldiers the western empire had at the time. Wallace led the equivalent of a bunch of militia yahoos. Wallace had a better speech writer: "They may take our lives, but they can never take... our freedom" plays a lot better than the short but sweet "On my command, give them hell." One on one, Wallace wins because I think he'd fight dirtier.
Choice: WALLACE
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Cyprian | Unfortunately, as much as this seems down to the wire, it's rather obvious. Maximus was a worthy general, but he proved his aptitude in hand-to-hand combat in the Coliseum. He was a warrior first, a man second. He really fucked shit up on his revenge mission. All he wanted to do was handle his business, get his blood, and be out. So, he did. What a guy! Wallace was more touchy-feely. He was more of a teddy bear. He lead the people in rhetoric as well as battle. He thus became a typical martyr. Also, he got his ass kicked quite a few times in his film. He wasn't even that good at group battle. One on one, Maximus would maim Wallace, preferably with the two handed neck snap. But being a man of business, he would probably let Wallace knife him in the liver before dying.
Choice: MAXIMUS
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Tim | For the first time in Arena battle, we have two men of extraordinary masculinity wearing kilts. Both men have swords and both men need a shave. Both vigorously fight against the shackles of slavery and for the common goal of freedom. This battle ensues amidst an uproar of emotion, and both men die for their cause. The battle becomes a metaphor for the lives of both men, and ultimately ends in a bloody draw. Let's just hope they're wearing something underneath those kilts.
Choice: DRAW
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Louis | Maximus is a fucking pussy compared to William Wallace. His homoerotic gladiator ass will be crying and whining when Wallace goes kilt on his wig piece. Although both men's wives were brutally murdered, Wallace's ability to pump up his men against all odds is uncanny. He makes you want to go out and beat up some guys. I'm not gay, I swear.
Choice: WALLACE
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James | Louis is gay and Maximus will destroy Wallace. If anyone remembers the two movies they will recognize the pure unadulterated masculinity that is Maximus. His hair so shiny, his skin dark and rich. And ugh, his experience with a sword is unparalleled. Yea, the sword thing....
Choice: MAXIMUS
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Jon | Although the average Arena-goer may try to factor the many battle-traits that most men have at their command, the real essence of this battle would come down to something deeply emotional that both men posses in abundance: the need to be the star of a movie, and the need to be a martyr. Wallace and Maximus would both open themselves up for attack from the other, neither wanting to win the fight - as this would preclude him from being the hero. After a sixteen hour standstill, they'd converse, and decide to stab each other simultaneously, thusly providing the Arena with its first draw.
Choice: DRAW
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Morgan | Maximus hates the Emperor but Wallace hates Jews. That’s a much deeper pool of inspiration to draw from. Plus, although seemingly indistinguishable, the best director Oscar trumps the best actor Oscar any day because actors are nothing more than glorified meat props.
Choice: WALLACE
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WALLACE 3; MAXIMUS 2 |
