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Introduction: So we give the blind man a gun, semi auto. And we affix a knife to the quadriplegic's chair. He can still move the chair via his chin joystick right, but the chair also makes a slight noise, giving the blind guy something to aim at. Think about it folks. The most involved Arena yet.
“Two men enter. One man leave.” That’s the principle here behind The Arena. Because we at Chaser know that after women and wine, there’s nothing. So we whittle our time away with bullshit conjecture about ridiculous hypotheticals. We take two things, pit them against each other in The Arena, poll our staff and see who comes out on top. Then you tell us how fucking stupid we are. Begin.
Tim | I didn't know Christopher Reeves had beef with Stevie Wonder, but oh, well. Seriously - neither of these cats are very lucky, but I will take this opportunity to list the one benefit for each of them. The handicapped guy has the benefit of targeting his weapon visually. The blind guy has the benefit of a semi-automatic weapon, no matter what he is shooting at. However, the semi-automatic weapon will cease to fire once the ammunition is expired, while the knife remains intact. This prolific battle would outlast the others we have experienced, yet the guy in the wheelchair (Reeves) will eventually win.
Choice: QUADRIPLEGIC
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Cyprian | The blind guy has the upper hand - range. He can fire wildly from thirty feet away but still has a better chance of hitting a kill than stumpy with his motorized rocking chair, which I’m sure can't break any ground speed records. I’m sure the blind guy lunging would be faster than the quad in 5th gear. This arena is largely unfair. The blind guy would wreak havoc, and not even have to deal with the guilt of seeing his opponent blazed up on the ground.
Choice: BLIND MAN
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Louis | Like all super heroes the blind have the ultimate advantage of heightened senses. They have expert hearing, an appreciation of taste and touch coupled with a penchant for the supernatural 6th sense. A quadriplegic can't move. All the blind man has to do is find him from a distance with a bullet. Which he can easily do using everything but his eyes.
Choice: BLIND MAN
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Courtney | Winner is the blind guy, without a doubt. He has the advantage of speed, being able to hear the wheelchair moving, and being able to spray gunfire around him until he can no longer hear the quad breathing or moving.
Choice: BLIND MAN
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Jon | This one, I'm afraid, is deeper than most of us realize. Allow me to quickly explicate: The knife, at best, will only come up to the blind man's stomach, and as we all know, the quadriplegic is going to be able to stab the blind man. But repeatedly? Doubtful. If the blind man is patient, he can wait to be stabbed, grab his opponent, and well, if you miss a man in a wheelchair at point blank range with a semi-automatic weapon, then Darwinian evolution is tacitly yet vehemently trying to convey a message of incompetence to you. But it goes deeper. Suppose the blind man dies to the point blank chest/head shot (go figure), can he still win? No, but he can force a draw. If he can sever the blind man's 1) penis or 2) scrotum from his body, he will be forever separated from biologically related progeny. Thusly, neither man can produce offspring (guys with gun shots to the head don't get many chicks), and thusly, both are eternally rended from the human race.
Choice: DRAW
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James | I have spent weeks pondering this issue. I have asked for input from family, friends, strangers, and even a deaf-mute. He wasn't very helpful. There is no consensus among any of them on this topic. So I must go with my original instinct. The difference between these two fierce warriors is desire to live. At first thought one might believe that a quadriplegic would be looking for a way out, but this is not true, I argue. He has likely never had sex, and for this alone, his will to fight, to live on for a cure to his ailment and to finally experience sexual relations with a woman (or man, we make no distinctions here) is superior. It might be difficult for a blind man to find a partner, but it is by no means impossible. He is probably lucky enough to have experienced sex before. The feisty quadriplegic who has everything to live for is victorious.
Choice: QUADRIPLEGIC
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Morgan | I pitched this to Fox as a reality show and I can’t believe they said no. Anyway I’ve seen these chairs and they are just too slow. Getting stabbed in the thigh doesn’t pose much of a threat either.
Choice: BLIND MAN
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BLIND MAN 4; QUADRIPLEGIC 2 |
