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“Two men enter. One man leave.” That’s the principle here behind The Arena. Because we at Chaser know that after women and wine, there’s nothing. So we whittle our time away with bullshit conjecture about ridiculous hypotheticals. We take two things, pit them against each other in The Arena, poll our staff and see who comes out on top. Then you tell us how fucking stupid we are. Begin.
Courtney | Although the midget might be a very fit and able adult, my impression is that most midgets have less agility than children of the same height. Even if the midget was extremely agile, I don't think it would fare much better than a child. And we've all heard in the news how pit bulls have killed little kids as well as full grown adults of normal stature. Although the midget could totally jam the knife into the jugular of the pit bull as it attacked, the midget would have its face and neck torn apart and basically go down and die long before the dog would.
Choice: PIT BULL
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James | Obviously, if we were to do a direct size to strength comparison, the pit bull would utterly crush the midget. But what is not always considered in this classic debate, is the fact that only a psychotic midget would dare battle a raging pit. This would indicate to me, at least, that the midget has some untapped rage from his past. Possibly as a result of peer hazing directed at his modest size. Nevertheless, it is widely recognized that one should never fight a psychopath, because they are willing to win at all costs. The midget will allow the pit bull to gain the upper hand, get under the dog, bite its nuts, and finally, slit the unsuspecting dog's throat. I take the mean-ass midget.
Choice: MIDGET
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Chris | Midget cause he's a Korean butcher. Need I say more?
Choice: MIDGET
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Jonathan | Obviously, these combatants are surprisingly close in killing ability. Years of avoiding large cats and medium sized children have honed the Midget's elusion capabilities. If it weren't for those three fucking spot lights that we use inside the Arena, he might have had a chance to backstab the Pitt from the shadows. I wager that this colossal battle would end with the Pitt holding voraciously to the Midget's throat, while the Midget's knife finds its way through the dog's ribs, and into its heart. The Small Warrior, pushing the slain beast off of him, would grin a blood-filled smile, his breathing would slow down, and he would peacefully step into the next life, with the soundtrack to "Willow" floating through his mind. The Pitt dies first, so the Midget would win - although the Midget still dies. The Arena is an unforgiving place.
Choice: MIDGET
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Cyprian | The pit bull, although a vicious carnivore bent on locking onto its victims with its unrelenting mandible, is no match for the cunning midget. With all the tricks up his short sleeve, the midget and his knife are a maelstrom of steel and shortness, beckoning blood from any opponent. Refer to the Austin Powers saga, where Mini-Me first takes on the greatest international spy known to man in his first appearance and then in the next installment does some other stuff. Midgets are entrepreneurial. Midgets are merciless. Midgets would make the greatest used-car salesmen. Midgets know kung fu. Real kung fu, not Matrix kung fu. The pit bull would run whimpering from the midget's mammoth lambasting, tail between legs, while the midget celebrated the spoils of victory over a bowl of Lucky Charms.
Choice: MIDGET
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Tim | I take the midget, for two simple reasons: 1-Pit Bulls do not have two functioning arms, while midgets do. 2-On one of those functioning arms there is a hand, and in that hand, there is a knife. There is no way even a rabid pit bull could salvage a victory out of an armed and dangerous midget. This one was way easy.
Choice: MIDGET
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Morgan | Humans are unequivocally superior to dogs in every fashion and would best them in any arena of combat.
Choice: PIT BULL
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Midget 5; Pit Bull 2 |
