There was a time when I felt my position as an editorialist of relationship content (in other words, the gal that metes out insidious advice) must have been fed to me on a plate of irony. It doesn't take a brainiac to figure out that I've had my share of failures in the love department. If anything, I've got the love 'em and leave 'em thing down pat. So yeah, basically I'm as clueless as the rest of you out there. The only difference between you and me is the fact that writing skill paired with a little editorial analysis -- oh, and my definite lack of shame -- has found me here.

I will admit that there was a time in my life when men seemed… well, let's just say you seemed a little scary. I'm mean, ya'll are strange, hairy little creatures. You say things that don't make sense. You leave the damned toilet seat up. Oh, and you scream at traffic that is most definitely NOT going to be scared into moving by your tough guy tantrum. I'll admit that your slick guy moves and arrogant facades just about had me fooled. That is, until I started paying attention. Oh, and I received the following e-mail from a brave chap named Brian in Chicago.

Dear Samantha,

I'm a twenty-seven year old male, educated, cultured, polite, good looking, and the last time I checked there was nothing resembling horns protruding from my forehead. (writer's note: He's witty too!) Anyway, I seem to have a difficult time meeting women. Honestly, it's not so much the meeting them, as the asking them out part that has me stuck in a rut. I'm not sure how many guys will admit this (although those that deny feeling this way at least once are lying), but I cannot get up the nerve to ask women out for fear of the rejection I feel will follow. The only dates I've really ever had come from the occasions wherein women make the first move, or through a friend of friend set-up that is easily secured through the meddlesome hands of my happily paired couple friends. Even writing this, I feel like a loser. I know that my fear of being rejected has completely taken over. What can I do to beat this phobia

Sincerely,

Brian from Chicago

No, this column is not turning into an advice forum. I just found it important to shed some light on you men's dirty little secret. You're big scaredycats just like the rest of us. Quite honestly, if this writing gig has taught me anything, it's that men are complete goobers when it comes to landing a girl. You simply have no clue.

There is no way to pin down the human nature of a man. Sorry, you're far too simple to really spend the time doing so. As one intuitive male friend of mine recently said "I'm just a big dumb guy". Eons may have passed us by, but men haven't put a lid on their caveman days, and therefore still grow up learning to be strong, courageous, and winners in all aspects of their lives. Failure just doesn't compute in the minds of men. Through perilous fights and tireless crusades, history has proven that men have the ability to conquer just about anything they put their strength into mastering.

Men may be capable of overthrowing tyrannical regimes, closing million dollar business deals, and just about everything that lies in between. However, there is one fear that can strangle the nerve out of just about every man: the fear of rejection. With the ability to paralyze, hinder, and as we've noted from our pal Mr. Chicago up there, leave one dateless, the fear of rejection is the dirty little secret you guys seem to unwilling to admit to, much less, seek help for.

What's the big deal? So you're a little afraid where the dating game is concerned and have therefore chosen to live your life as the hunted, rather than the hunter. But what happens when you stumble across that cute little fox you simply must make your own, and you find that lo and behold, you've got no ammunition with which to bag your prey.

True, it seems that there is nothing worse than the fear of rejection. That is, unless that fear leads to regret. Six years after graduation I regained contact with my high school crush. Crush being the key word here, as I simply pined away without ever saying anything. A fellow writer in my journalism classes throughout school, the guy could have been perfect for me in one of those happily-ever-after high school sweetheart ways, but I let the fear of rejection get the better of me. Six years later, this guy was even more perfect than I'd remembered, and get this, he was still a writer. Better yet, our discussion led to his own admission of a crush, on me, that he never had the courage to admit to. So this is the perfect opportunity to mend our cowardice ways, right. Wrong! Unfortunately he had a Mrs. Crush waiting at home for him. Probably a gal who decided to take matters into her own hands and thus landed my potential Mr. Right.

Sure, we all want to feel desired and wanted, and the simple words "no" can often times leave one feeling lower than that slimy murk that sits stagnant on the bottom of a pond. The fear of rejection stems from our innermost trepidation that we are not in fact likeable. It has the power to be a detriment to our level of self-esteem. That is, if we let it.

It's hard to remember that the gal who gives a negative response to your well-planned wooing technique is not really rejecting you. We tend to let strangers, people who have no way of knowing anything about us, control how we feel about ourselves in the end. She turned you down, so you must be a loser, right? Your forehead must protrude just a little too much, that blue sweater must have made you look like a freak, and you knew you threw on just a little too much cologne before you headed out the door.

I admit to being one of those women who, like many, has had the displeasure (and really, it is a hard thing to do) of having to say no when approached by a stranger. Believe me, there are a million or so reasons for our turning you down. Whether we be attached already, are having one of those days where we'd rather be left alone, or are just plain shy, it's really important to remember that this sort of let down has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with us. You know, that stranger who has no idea what sort of person she is actually turning down.

There is one way to help up the odds in your favor. Want to let her know a little about the kind of guy she's missing out on? Throw away the corny pickups and engage her in an honest and open "this is what I'm all about, now tell me about you," sort of conversation. Oh, important note here. Do this before you officially make your "wanna partake in some dating activity?" proposal. Let her get a taste of what she's missing before she actually has the opportunity to make a decision.

It's a tough game out there. Tough enough without letting fear get the better of you. A "no thanks" really isn't the end of the world, you know. We have the choice to let a stranger's opinions throw us into a rut. We can sit around and wait for Mr. or Ms. Right to make the first move. We can even let a fear of rejection turn us into one of those people that simply lets life control us, rather than taking the bull by its horns and forcing it to go in whatever direction we desire.