Chivalry, a trait encompassing courteous and dignified behavior, appropriate manners and overall good charm, died recently from what appears to be a complete lack of knowledge over its good value in society. It will be sorely missed, especially by us females who seem to now be faced with an odd lot of men strangely lacking in the way of propriety.

I hate to say it boys, but chivalry, that once great wooing tactic, is dead and gone. Much to our dismay, left in its place is a cloud of confusion leading to such preposterous acts as answering one's cellular telephone while in the midst of a dinner date.

Perhaps the computer age is to be blamed. Has our entire cyber interaction sucked from us the ability to hold our own when faced with a living, breathing creature? What happened to that virtuous little voice in your head that once fed you subtle hints about basic civilities, such as holding the door open for the lady passing through behind you?

Are we just too busy these days to care about wooing; too in a hurry to pay heed to going that extra mile to be dignified? The days of Miss Manners and Emily Post, along with their well-esteemed advice, seems to have passed right over the X and Y generations. Maybe in lieu of their guidance, it's time we drew up at least a few fundamental no-no's to get the chivalrous ball rolling again.

Ditch Your Third Ear

Do you take residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? Are you weighed with the task of saving lives, or somehow caught up in illicit activities that require you to make split second decisions to keep one step ahead of the law? If not, I can tell you that your cellular device is not to be permitted at a dining establishment, film house, grand symphony hall, Great Aunt Bertha's 25th wedding anniversary, or worse, a first date. Please leave that third ear of yours in the car, at home, or if you cannot bear to be without its constant companionship, at the very least, turn it off and hide it well.

I can recall one such date when a seemingly dignified suitor answered his phone not once, not twice, but three times during dinner. There are a million flaws that can be overlooked when out on a date, but the continual interruption of your cell phone is not one of them, even if you do have one of those spiffy Mozart concerto rings.

The Profane Needn't Apply

Overzealous use of the f-word is not considered prime dinner conversation. If you're a little potty-mouthed, perhaps consider sticking a bar of soap in your pocket for the night. Hopefully it will be enough to incite some common sense, or at the least, act as means to punish yourself later for such poor taste in vocabulary. Hey, if anything, you at least won't go home alone after your date throws wine in your face and storms off after you make such brilliant comments such as "You're f-ing beautiful" or "This filet mignon is f-ing delicious".

Mr. Clean is Highly Esteemed

You know that Diet Coke commercial where all the women go gaga over the sweat-ridden hunk doing construction, or some other strenuous manual labor activity outside? Well, if that guy isn't you, I'd pretty much not even think of meeting up with us immediately following any sporting activity that has left you stinking to high heaven. Oh, and any clothing that should have been retired to dish rag or car polishing duty, should not be considered suitable for a dinner date. Sweats, gym shorts, and that gem of a shirt you found scrunched up in the corner of your closet, are better left for any occasion wherein you're not trying to make a good impression.

Mr. Punctuality

Be on time, even if it means that you have to set every clock in your house 30 minutes ahead to accomplish this hefty task. To "be on time" means not arriving 10 minutes after or even 20 minutes prior to your pre-determined meeting time. Yes, you're required to idiotically circle the block a dozen times trying to kill those 20 extra minutes just so that you can arrive at her door at seven on the nose. Oh, and this should be a given, but flaking after you've confirmed your plans with the 'night before' or 'afternoon of' affirmation call, is strictly prohibited. I don't care if Laetitia Casta just happened to call you up with a better offer. By the way, there's no way in hell we're going to believe that excuse, or feel privileged that we share the company of Laetitia in vying for your attention for that matter.

Me-Me-Me

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Abstinence is Key

Speaking of dinner conversation, there are some things we really don't want to know on the first date. Any talk of your money woes, a family members recent death, that ex-girlfriend who is now in jail for stalking you, or your kidney stone problem, should definitely be saved for later, or at the very least, until after dessert is served.

The Chivalrous Knight Dare Not Forget

After gallantly helping his lady off the white stallion, the handsome knight would never forget to open doors, pull out chairs, and stand when his lady makes way for the restroom. He would lose his knighthood if he also failed to pay the bill, and help her highness with her shawl or cloak upon exiting the first date establishment. If this seems like a tedious chore, just be thankful that you don't really have to show up on that white horse. For the untrained rider, an adventure on horseback could ruin any fun to be had come date five or six. And yes, the gallant knight waits for date five or six prior to getting his "groove on" with the fair maiden.

Oh, and lest you think your knightly duties are finished upon completion of date number one, you mustn't forget to make that after-date phone call to tell your date what a grand time you had amid her company the evening prior.