|
 He
chose them meticulously, as if the wrong decision could mean the
difference between a day filled with adoring glances or one placated
with glares of ridicule. The objects at his disposal had buckles, ties,
even velcro (for those days when he felt retro chic). They provided a
sense of security, a means for keeping ten little critters nice and
cozy throughout a day filled with power wielding, ball chasing, or even
fireside smooching. They were his shoes, and he had no doubt that in
his world, they were the very essence of his manhood.
What
do shoes mean to your world, you ask? As you sit here reading this
article whilst wiggling your toes around in a one of a kind pair of
neon orange Puma's, what pearls of wisdom would you voice when faced
with the notion that shoes really do make the man? Ever notice the way
a woman's eyes casually drop downward (a bit farther down than you'd
hope there mister) to ground floor level when she opens the door for
your first date? You better believe she's checking out that dazzling
duo that house your feet, and you better hope they meet with her
approval. There's no doubt you'd be hard pressed to identify the
difference between a pair of her Manolo Blahnik's and Jimmy Choo's, but
to that gal on your arm, those size eleven clodhoppers speak the world,
and there's no way in hell she'd be caught dead with some chum in a
pair of brown velcro Payless Shoe Source knock-offs. Sorry to be the
bearer of ill tidings now fellas, but that's the tough breaks in the
vicious world of dating circa 2002. Yes, it is that superficial, and
yes, you'll be judged a weasely wimp or super stud, simply based upon
that which you wear upon your feet.
 Oh,
and just as an aside, for those of you who can differentiate between
the make and model of a female's foot dressings, you're officially my
sole mate and are hereby cordially invited to the Sunday night, all
girl, Sex in the City fest at my house, as long as you pinky swear not
to steal any of my sling back stiletto's, that is.
So
how's a guy supposed to know just what thoughts enter a chick's head
when first casting eyes upon his Kenny Cole's? Well I'll tell you,
better yet, I'll get some fashion savvy gals to tell you themselves.
Given a snapshot of a variety of shoes, minus the man, several women
share with us their inner most thoughts about what these shoes would
reveal to them about the smart (and in some cases, brave) man who wears
them.
To the Quiz!
| |
Test Subject A
“Laid back, fun loving, young at heart”
“Care-free, tan guy who’s a little dorky. Tries to act younger than he is.”
“Religious man, trying to keep his feet clean and be “hip” at the same time.”
“The guy in this shoe wondered if they might be a bit fem but decided
he was manly enough to pull it off…and damn it, he’ll prove it by
wearing them!”
“I have a small, hairy penis.”
|
|
Test Subject B
“Not my favorite, but maybe he makes a lot of money?”
“Conservative stock broker, trying to make a good impression. Tries a little to hard to look good without really succeeding.”
“Typical salesman gig. Not trashy but not classy.”
“I wear a suit, therefore, I must wear this shoe. “
“I am an executive and have been since the eighties. I'm still wearing the same shoes.”
|
|
Test Subject C
“They look like a duck’s bill. Is he still living in the 60’s?”
“Construction worker dressed up for a weekend outing.”
“A man I could go anywhere with…au natural..yeah baby! College educated but down to earth.”
“Hello, I’m an East Coast history major and I’m most comfortable at the
local coffee shop, but I hate Starbucks, the greedy corporate bastards…"
“I wear these on Saturday mornings during my once a week meeting with my parents. I got them from my mother last X-mas”
|
|
Test Subject D
“Young, hip, athletic. Possibly a student.”
“Fun, care-free guy with a good personality, but little drive or ambition.”
“Can’t let go of money nor his childhood. A real mama’s boy.”
“The wearer of this shoe is Euro-cool, even if he has no idea what Euro-cool means.”
“I am trying desperately to be cooler than I really am.”
|
|
Test Subject E
“Definite athlete.”
“Sporty guy who is big on image, not so big on personality.”
“Mr. Health…look at me run…can’t consume too much fat in my diet otherwise I will have to run even further. Dullsville!”
“I refuse to grow up, I’ll wear this young-looking shoe and no one will know I’m over 30!”
“I actually AM cool. I am not trying to prove anything.”
|
|
Test Subject F
“Are these for a guy or girl?!”
“Old dude who cares more about being comfortable than he does about style. Not out to make an impression.”
“Joe-College 2002. Cute guy secure with himself, nothing to prove but to have a great time.”
“This guy listens to ska, loves the beach, and wears shorts every weekend, regardless of the season.”
“I have no taste and my feet have a fungus I have been trying to get rid of for three and a half years.”
|
|
Test Subject G
“Very cute, trendy, medium-upper class.”
“Stylish, well-dressed and groomed nice guy. Has a good job and is comfortable with himself.”
“Dances a lot, appears cooler than he is…too bad. Left to his own devices, he gets into a lot of trouble.”
“I must wear a suit but I will not wear my father's shoe!”
“I am trendy, recently graduated from college and am barely hanging on to my positive outlook on life.”
|
|
Test Subject H
“Does he own his own bowling ball and bag too?”
“A bit freakish with a sense of style. Marches to the beat of a different drummer.”
“Nerdsville. Complete with pocket protector.”
“This shoe is his way of saying 'I can wear ugly and still look good!' (plus they make him taller)”
“Vintage. I am too young to be considered a man.”
|
Yes,
it's audacious of me to propose that you'll be judged based upon
something as superficial as your shoe choice. Think of it this way, it
could be worse guys! You could live in Los Angeles, where
superficiality is a Starbuck's menu item, and discussions about your
cheek implants (the gluteus maximus variety) and the amount you threw
back on your most recent face lift, is mere coffee sipping chatter,
never mind the merits by which you'd be judged in the Hollywood dating
game. In other words, be grateful I'm only speaking shoes here.
A
special thanks to the six fashion savvy gals who helped prove that if
they don't make the man, the least shoes can do is help us to
differentiate between a Don Juan wannabe and a maniacal mama's boy.
|
