You know those rules that we make up following a break-up? No, it's not the good break-up that I speak of. I'm not talking about the one that left you screaming "freedom at last" at the top of your lungs. No, this is the break-up you didn't see coming. It's the one that left you searching for the nearest Voodoo-Doll-R-Us super store. It's the break-up that found you slamming the door as you shut this person out of your life, heart, and mind. The break-up that left you writing 20 page dissertations to the once said love of your life, promising that you'd never make the same mistake twice, especially with them.

Out of the rules that have culminated over the break-ups in my past, the one that I vowed never to waiver on was that same mistake twice bit. When it came to ex sex, or anything else for that matter, I vowed never again to cross the border into Ex-Ville. So I ask, is there ever an exception to this rule? Is it ever a good idea to reel that old fish that once deemed you too small, too slimy, or just too plain fishy, back into your boat for a second paddle around the lake?

There are two ex encounters one will inevitably endure. The first leaves you skipping away from the experience, praising cupid for having shot his arrow awry that go around. You know the experience. You and your friend run into Ms. Ex and she's gained a few pounds, is now a chain smoker, and dons a few dozen tattoos and piercings where her lips, tongue, and swan-like neck used to be. The second is something of a different experience all together. There you see her, and she is HOT! You're still with the friend as you stumble upon her, but this time you want to make it known that you once 'got it on' with the fox standing there before you two, in the mini skirt and itsy bitsy halter top.

So let's say it's the second encounter that you're now faced with. It's been a year or so and you can't believe how beautiful this girl is. The heart that you haven't felt thump for a while is now beating so hard you have trouble believing that the old adage about your heart leaping into your throat, couldn't actually happen. The best part, she says she misses you, and wants to know if you'd be up for hanging out again (READ, getting back together). So there you were holding true to your never look back rule, and it's all about to be thrown in the wastebasket for a pair of long limbs and firm melons.

I can recite a thousand and one reasons NOT to accept a past love back into your life. There was a reason for the break up, right? There was logic behind all the pin pricks in the torso of that voodoo doll; a reason you burned the letters, cards, and I Love You teddy bears. For some reason or another however, those that are left (rather than those that do the leaving), seem to have some sort of sketchy memory of the past that leaves out all the bad stuff, in lieu of those glory days you two spent together.

You know the time you caught her lying about something or another, or even worse, the time you spotted her making out with some guy on a street corner as you drove by? Somehow those memories fade into a deep dark abyss, and all you're left with now, as you stand before the halter wearing goddess, are memories of the days you spent hand in hand, lip to lip, feeling that your love could outlast anything. There are just some relationships that don't deserve a second, or even third chance. You may have loved her once, but she also broke your heart for one reason or another, and who's to say you can trust her not to do it again.

So as the goddess stands before you, ask yourself a few questions prior to wasting your last 3 carnival tickets taking that second trip down the tunnel of love. Why is she back? Yes, if you coincidentally run into each other, it may be a different story, but what if she phoned you up out of the blue after a year long absence, and is now telling you how much she misses you? The first question to ask yourself (and her, for that matter), is whether or not you're being played for a rebound fool. Has she just come out of another relationship that has perhaps left her feeling a bit nostalgic for those glory days she left behind? Do you symbolize comfort, reliability, and a secure shoulder, now that she's experienced a break-up that wasn't of her doing?

There is another altogether different sort of happening that can take you back to Ex-Ville. An occurrence which leaves even those most steadfast about their original promise never to return to that god forsaken land of broken hearts and unrequited feelings, questioning the significance of the don't go back rule. There are instances wherein the other half of the relationship may have disappeared from your life, not out of actual interpersonal problems or issues, but out of mere circumstance. Say you were in love with this goddess, she was in love with you, but due to distance, timing, or emotional unavailability at that specific moment in time that your relationship existed, she felt the need to flee?

There are moments in our lives when relationships just can't find their place. Moments in which we either lived too far away, or just didn't have the time between 3 jobs, 21 units in school, and that garage band that was going to make us a superstar. Perhaps she was just coming out of another relationship, had baggage she needed to sort through, just hadn't found herself, or hadn't yet decided on her relationship needs, when you walked into her life. With time, comes maturity, growth, and the ability to recognize your needs in a relationship partner. Maybe it took a year of dating for her to realize that you were the best thing that ever happened to her. Maybe the three jobs are now pared down to one, the school is now complete, the ex-boyfriends are in her distant past, and she now stands before you, a goddess ready to actually BE in a relationship with YOU. Perhaps her departure, and that past heartbreak you endured, was the best thing that could have ever happened to you two.

So if you're ever contemplating hitching a ride back to Ex-Ville, be sure she is worth the potential risk you now face as you slide into the silver DeLorean with Dr. Emmett Brown for a lift back to the future. Some relationships are better left gone with the wind, while others give you every reason to forgo those last 3 carnival tickets for yet another ride on the merry-go-round of love.