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Written by Jesse Thompson
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Tuesday, 14 November 2006 |
 You've heard this apocalyptic words come from the mouth of your girlfriends, sisters, teachers, women and co-workers -- phrases like "It's not you, it's me," or "I'm not mad at you anymore. I went shopping -- with your credit card." Women have some ringers for us, but we've got some that, by the same token, they can't stand hearing slither out of our mouths. Whether it's by cruelty, ignorance or just genetics, here are the Top7 Least Favorite Phrases Heard By Women From Men.
| "I can fix that."
This is a double whammy. First, we think we can fix broken appliances. Second, we think we can fix broken hearts and hurt feelings. Women keep telling us that they don't necessarily want us to fix things... so what are we supposed to do, leave them broken?
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| "Your ass looks big in those pants."
Maybe it's the pants that are to blame, but if you ever want to see that butt naked again, you'd better not let her think that you overestimate the girth of her gluteal region. You wouldn't want her slipping out a remark about a small penis, now would you?
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| "I'd do her."
Oh, would you? Wow, what a swell chap! What a selfless gesture of charity you are offering to this object of your semi-affection. Your woman (or any other woman around) is probably going to take one look at you and want to let you know that the desire is one-sided.
Never mind the fact that it makes women sound like pieces of meat, and no person should be reduced to that. Well, maybe those guys at Chippendale's...
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| "I'm going to Russell Crowe's bachelor party."
That's fine, just don't plan on coming back! There's pretty much no activity at a bachelor party that women want to know about. They know that it's just going to be men congregating to worship the female body, with as little clothing as possible. Redi-Whip is optional.
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| "What were you saying?"
Uh oh! You didn't just admit to her that you haven't been listening, did you? Your funeral, pal! Women want to talk, and they want to be heard! You're headed for an early exit if you don't honor that. Losing track of the conversation because you were staring at her chest doesn't carry much cred, either.
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| "I'd do a threesome with you and _______ ."
Some women are into threesomes, some are not. Mixing up these two types of persons is a fatal mistake. Going a step further and admitting that you've fantasized about her and her friend, sister, or mother is exponentially worse. Good luck finding the women that are willing to invite their family or friends into bed with you! | | "Oh, our anniversary is today?!?
| | Any phrase with the words "anniversary", "valentine's" or "birthday" that doesn't involve a present is risky. An admission of your senility as to when they occur is a red flag so big that it could cast a shadow over your town, not to mention your future standing in the relationship. Know these dates, write them down, tattoo them onto yourself, set alarms, do a 354-day countdown if you have to, just do! not! forget! them!
Don't ever worry about overdoing it, either. No birthday, anniversary or Valentine's Day celebration or thought it going to be too big for her, so it's always a good idea to err on the side of overcompensation.
Finally, if she ever forgets, you have a lifetime of ammunition. | | |
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