While standing in line at the supermarket the other day I overheard the following:

"...I hear that these are really high in potassium."

"Uh-huh."

"My friend, he's a physical therapist right, and he says that I should limit my sodium intake and increase potassium intake."

 "Right."

"I don't know why I'm taking his advice. I mean, I'm healthy right?"

"I really wouldn't know."

"To tell the truth I'm not sure if he meant it was healthy or that it would help me lose weight, not that I need to lose weight. I mean, I'm skinny as hell, but I guess you can see that. Well maybe not, since I'm wearing this heavy shirt. But uh, you can take my word for it."

"I sure will."

"Well, he knows that I'm skinny so I guess he probably meant healthy."

"Yeah probably."

Man flirts with girl at checkout. Everyone but he realizes that she's not interested. It's such a banal spectacle isn't it? One can't help but cringe when in earshot.

On many an occasion I've found myself doing just that at my local supermarket. It's a college town, thus the employees are mostly at that deliciously young, yet legal age. Needless to say the clientele skews young as well. The employees are friendly, and not above idle conversation. Unlike some fellows I tend to remember that such friendly words when spoken by the more attractive workers of the opposite sex, are a product of company policy and little else.

But back to the man in line.

"Yeah. I guess you have no need for any of this info because, you're obviously in shape. I mean you look great."

"Thanks."

"I mean, are you on any sort of diet? Because I could really use a good one. Because... I mean I'm skinny, so I suppose that doesn't make much sense but still, I'd like to be on a healthier diet."

"Uh, no not really. Your total is $78.40"

"Yeah. Oh, ok- I see that you're done."

What did he expect would happen? That they'd hammer out dinner plans with four people standing in line behind him?

Remarkably it took over 5 minutes for her to type in the prices of his many, many items of produce. Seeing as only produce prices need to be input manually, one might say that the gentlemen bought such an insane quantity specifically in order to prolong his checkout. And that's exactly what I would say, if I were less polite. As such I'll simply imply it- a sentiment commonly held in the eyes of those waiting behind him.

Sadly, it's nobody's fault. He can't help but try. She can't help but be disgusted. And since our society looks poorly upon more straightforward methods such as prostitution or arranged marriages- there's really no way to avoid it.

"It" is something I coin the 'pickup spectacle.' All of us have witnessed it and most have participated more times than we'd like to admit. Of course when the execution is flawless and the operation successful, it hardly qualifies as a spectacle. There exist more apt phrases for such happenstances. "Getting your groove on." "Laying on the charm." "Spinning a web of deceit and betrayal." All come to mind.

Oddly it's not the same way with women. When they flirt (and fail), it somehow becomes adorable, welcome and tasteful. Even in failure women escape that look of a loser recently rejected or an oaf oblivious to impending rejection.

When it does happen to women, we tend to think, "what a poor girl. She doesn't deserve such callous treatment."

When it happens to men we tend to think, "how fucking pathetic." At least I do. Perhaps the kind hearted among us are generous enough to omit the admittedly excessive inclusion of the word "fucking."

But I doubt it.

You see, when we the males of the species make the same attempt and fail, there exists an overriding sense of futility, desperation and inadequacy. Is this fair? Is this just?

Indeed not, but such is the zest of life. And frankly I wouldn't have it any other way.

A couple days later I went to the store and spied the man of jumbled yet profuse conversation, accompanied by what appeared to be his wife.

Fortunately for him, said checkout girl was not working that day.