If you've read the book or seen the movie "Being There" then you've heard a profound simplicity observed by the story's protagonist about how life works. Being a gardener by trade, he explains that the economy is going to recover, because everything goes in cycles; things may look dismal in the winter years, but soon enough spring turns to summer, and the cotton is once again high.

This is very much true, and you should thank your lucky stars for it, because without lows, there are no highs. This is how the universe flows, and this is often how relationships flow, as well. More to the point, a woman's mercurial nature is what makes it flow, and it's your job to deal with it.

Mars/Venus Myths

Women are different than men in certain societal ways that in some cases, won't apply - some women are more sporty or logical or competitive than most men. Though these are typically male traits, you'll find lots of women out there to shatter your ideas about that Women Are From Venus bullshit. On the other side of the coin, women are different than men in biological ways that are tougher to avoid. They are built to bear children, they have more acute senses of smell, and their hormones affect their emotions more than men… just for a few examples.

Put all the physiological differences together, and you get a being that seems impossible to interpret or predict. If you're a typical male, and you have a lot of typical male friends, you're probably used to "people" being fairly even and steady, while the women in your life aren't. Chalk it up to both chemical and societal influence, but also take into account that the typical male and typical female aren't trying too hard to understand one another.

Since you're reading this, it's assumed that you do have an interest in understanding how to bridge these gaps, so that's a big headstart. Women often say that just taking an interest is half the battle, because they're so used to men that just don't care. It's true, we don't - but that's because it's such a struggle to speak womanese. This is compounded by the fact that they seem to shift gears like J. Lo switched under-talented, over-hyped celebrity boyfriends, which throws all of our work to that point, out the damn window, like a trashy Madonna movie from the box office. Stop me before I simile again.

Don't Outgrow Me

There's an old adage about men and women that's often true: men take a partner thinking that she won't change, and she does, while women take a partner hoping he'll change, and he doesn't. This is true in the short term, as well. We like knowing what to expect - we like being able to count on something, and basically, we want what we pay for. Women seem to settle for a man that's less than what they want, and wait for them to grow and mature into a better companion. Sounds polar, but these two things are identical.

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Man or woman, you need a certain amount of stability from your partner. This is a hard fact. You can't have someone who's a chameleon, or you don't know who you're with. We all want someone who is going to give us a certain amount of the same thing every single second of every day… so why are women allowed to be so erratic, while they expect us to be like a rock?

Like The Tide

Change is a good thing, for many, many reasons. Variety is the spice of life, they say… no matter how in love you are on day one, the day will come when you're bored with the same tired routine, and her curvaceous derrière becomes just a mound of fatty deposits. It's so very imperative that all three of you grow in the relationship - you, her, and this entity called "us". If there's no growth, then stagnation sets in and kills you from the inside out.

Embrace these changes, because they come by the day and by the decade. One day you'll turn and look at your honey, and realize that she isn't nearly the same person you met all those months/years ago. If this is a big surprise to you, then that might be the beginning of the end. Unless she's already moved out - then it's the end of the end.

If you're really paying attention to her, you'll notice that she's a different person from hour to hour. A big part of this is due to the hormones floating around in her body, changing her emotions, and hence her outlook on life. In the morning you pack her lunchbox for work, and she loves you for it… and by the time she opens it to chow down, she can't stand the sight of a hard-boiled egg, and is cursing your name for giving it to her. Hello, Elsa Lancaster.

I, Robot

Of course, this doesn't make any sense. I've spent years trying to make this crap make sense, and believe me, it's worth giving up on it right now. I'm a robot, capable of separating my emotions from my decision-making process without effort or hesitation. Show me a woman who can do the same, and I'll show you a transvestite. It's not impossible to find - but you'll need Jake Gittis' help.

The bottom line is what makes sense to her one minute may be sheer bedlam the next. Even worse, she may be willing to fight you to the death on either point. Worse still: on both points. Imagine hearing that she hates Italian food so much that she'll puke it up the next time she sees it, and the next week, bitching you out for not making her farfalle al fresco more often. There's no logic in this, so don't bust out your abacus.

If you spot these paradoxes, ask her (politely) about them. The answer you'll likely get is that she actually believes or believed both - at the time. From where she was living her life at both isolated moments, all the truth in the universe pointed to her feeling that way, and she was just being true to herself. It's hard to argue with that, although you're welcome to try your luck, I don't know how your woman reacts to your taming of the shrew.

If you want to put this in context, it's not so crazy - think about a movie you saw when it came out, and loved… only to realize later how much you hated it. How about "Independence Day"? There's a real piece of shit that didn't seem to stink in its initial release. I'm sure you can think of at least one movie where you've changed your mind, but you probably argued a good case for it back in its day, didn't you? Well, compress those years into hours, and your woman is doing the same thing.

Coping With The Roller Coaster

There are a few ways to deal with this seeming madness. The first is to understand it; to take it with a grain of salt, and a shrug of the shoulders. You're not experiencing the same chemicals in your bloodstream that she is, so you don't know what she sees. Magoo. The second is just as important: be as steady as she is erratic. If you see her going up and down like Toni Braxton in the Dallas Mavericks locker room, then you need to be mister dependable, and bring some balance to the scene. Jumping into the fray of madness is not for the faint of heart.

The third thing you need to do, is listen. Although she may seem like Dr. Jeckyl and Mrs. Hyde, you have to face the love roller coaster with a smile, and show her that her feelings matter. Once she sees that, she's going to be much more receptive to talking about finding a compromise, if that's your goal.

A funny irony is that as well as you may be able to detach your feelings from your decision-making, she may be resenting you for it. Personally, I think it's a great advantage to be able to reach unclouded conclusions, but she may think that you're losing sight of the truth. Don't underestimate how much she may be right, because although I've spent my whole life resisting that notion, I know I would be a fool to assume that I've always come to the right end my way. And more importantly, don't lose sight of the fact that although she may change her mind in five minutes, this is how she feels now, and if you deny her that, she may make your life hell for a whole lot longer than the next five minutes.