Clothing, Funny story. I'm sitting in Taco Bell, having just finished my Bean Burrito Kids' Meal™, reading David Egger's "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius." I chuckle, I underline, I write notes in the margin. And then suddenly, as if sent by a lesser love deity in order to teach me the intricacies of fast food etiquette, three younger guys walk in, probably high school age, and I'm hit by a strange and overwhelming feeling: I'm too underdressed to be in Taco Bell.

Yeah, I know. I didn't believe it possible either. Apparently I'm not privy to the new dress code for fast food restaurants. No shirt, no shoes, no service? That's for old people. The neo-fashion wave has only one maxim that must be adhered to: "Your clothes, if you desire to be sexy, must bear a respectable trademark."

Nike, Timberland, that sorta thing.

So there I am wearing a plain white T-shirt (with a pocket), my New Balance 805's, and some black Reebok windpants. I wasn't resplendently well dressed, but I looked like your typical, "I'm cool without having to smoke cigarettes" recent college grad. But man, these guys were a marketer's wet dream! One sported a bright blue bandanna underneath a 76ers cap, a blinding red NASCAR jacket, denim Hilfiger jeans, and high-top Tims (with the tag still fastened). His outfit cost as much as my PC (granting of course that I assembled my PC over a year ago, so it wouldn't really demand much money if I sold it now, but never mind that - the point here is that his outfit cost a lot of money). He said so much without saying a word!

So there I am wearing a plain white T-shirt (with a pocket), my New Balance 805's, and some black Reebok windpants. I wasn't resplendently well dressed, but I looked like your typical, "I'm cool without having to smoke cigarettes" recent college grad. But man, these guys were a marketer's wet dream! One sported a bright blue bandanna underneath a 76ers cap, a blinding red NASCAR jacket, denim Hilfiger jeans, and high-top Tims (with the tag still fastened). His outfit cost as much as my PC (granting of course that I assembled my PC over a year ago, so it wouldn't really demand much money if I sold it now, but never mind that - the point here is that his outfit cost a lot of money). He said so much without saying a word!

It was like he went places with his outfit, and not only that, they were both cool. In contrast, my attire must have felt like a mentally handicapped mute who slipped on a patch of ice as a child, concurrently losing all of his upper teeth, most of his cognitive abilities and half of its right leg (frostbite). I felt embarrassed for my outfit, and since I was wearing it, I then felt embarrassed for myself.

It was then that I realized something very important - your clothing acts as your social ambassador.

It greets people from across the room, it lets them know what sort of values you have, and it speaks to them when you're occupied in other conversations. If you're big on your appearance (and who reading Rush isn't?), then you need to make sure your clothing is "on point." It has to be expensive. Or it has to look good. All else is irrelevant.

Your clothing speaks before and after you do. It adds or detracts from everything you say. Once you realize this you can begin to craft your ensemble so that it communicates to others the exact thoughts you want it to. Brevity prevents me from analyzing entire clothing schemes and the things they say to others, so I will try to sum this whole section up with a single sentence:

Your clothing is like your sexual business card; it quickly tells others what kind of interests you represent.

Body Posture/Walking Techniques

The way you carry your clothing is just as important as the clothing itself. A very engaging outfit can be undermined by sloppy presentation - this is why models have that "look". You know, that, "evolution has seen to it that I can attract and retain a partner with which to procreate on my physical merits alone" look.

The person makes the clothes, not the other way around. Do not be fooled.

Have you seen some of the stupid ass shit "designers" try to pawn off as "fashion"?

I'm no expert, but I'm guessing the following statement has been uttered at least once fashion world:

"Well Gerard (maybe Gerard wasn't the name uttered, but something like it was), maybe we can bring out the sheer girth of his torso by strapping lampshades to his shoulders."

No God damn it. That's not sexy. And on that note, the "fashion" shit that looks like it was created while high/drunk/both is not cool if you have to be high/drunk/both to "get it".

  What am I trying to say? An outfit worn by Vin Diesel may get "ooohs" and "oh my, I would so carry his seed within my body for nine months", whereas the same outfit worn by the average guy on the street would receive a brusque, "I have 911 on speed-dial".

Need I say more?

You can't have on nice clothes, trip over everything in your path and still expect to wow the other sex. Well, George Clooney and Brad Pitt could, but all their relationships have starting balances totaling in the millions. That, and well, they're George Clooney and Brad Pitt.

If you really want to put out that vibe, then you have to have the clothes coupled with the moves. It's an irreducibly complex relationship. One without the other leads to only one thing: