Whoever coined the debilitating phrase "nice guys finish last" must have either been an arrogant bastard or a bitter loser, who just happened to be kind-hearted. In all actuality, your average "nice-guy," armed with the right attitude, can achieve a higher level of satisfaction than any combination of Sebastian Valmont, Russell Crowe, and The Fonz ever could.

Now, because we're referring to personal satisfaction, the only solid evidence backing my claim exists within my own life. Undoubtedly, my situation mirrors that of many others who have been labeled as harmless by attractive members of the opposite sex. Like many nice guys before me, the majority of my high school career was spent developing infatuations with seemingly unattainable girls who were oblivious to the fact that I was alive - in short, I wasted a lot of time. Compounding the dilemma was an unshakable nervousness that would squelch any desire I had to ever approach a bombshell. Naturally, the idea of rejection was stifling. However, the root of my frustrations stemmed from watching desirable coeds pussyfooting about with the stereotypical "bad boys," who never learned how a girl should be treated. With regards to fashion, my sense of style was dormant, to put it humanely. With a menial job, there wasn't much I could buy, even if I did happen to be a dapper dresser. Similarly, the transportation situation was limited to a 1984 Toyota Cressida - not exactly what most would consider a shaggin' wagon.

Fast forward to college, where inhibitions are at a newfound low and alcohol pours like water from the Niagara Falls. While it would be easy to assume that the circumstances of college life make it simple for the average "nice guy" to land an attractive young woman, this is not so. A percentage of the female populous is driven towards fraternity guys, resulting in movies like "Sorority Girls Gone Wild." Another group graduates with a degree in Woman's Studies and becomes inaccessible to the male sex altogether. The classy women that remain are either preserved in museums or coveted like valuable baseball cards. During the first couple years of my so-called "higher education," it became painfully obvious that being nice was getting me nowhere. In my case, the nice guy was finishing last.

The Turnaround

Turning the tables on my past history was a matter of getting a good job. In the words of Ben Affleck, "Anybody tells you that money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any." This, my friends, is the absolute truth. Money opens doors that you never knew existed, and it allows you to occupy time spent alone with cars, gadgets, and other material objects that easily occupy our male minds. However, money is a means, not an end. Ultimately, each of us should be searching for a catalyst to jumpstart The Attitude. For me, money was that mechanism. Others may be motivated by athletic ability, a business sense, academic performance or stunning looks. Whatever the impetus may be, the key is to develop a keen sense of self before ever even attempting to attract someone else. The opposite sex can sense confidence like the overdose of Acqua Di Gio you applied this morning, so this first step is imperative.

Once you've become completely comfortable in your own skin, you can begin to mold your "nice guy" image into something that drives women wild. The movie "The Tao of Steve" offers some great advice in this field. First, you must forsake all desire to score. Us nice guys are at an extreme disadvantage because although we may be attracted to a particular girl, she may have a boyfriend, she may appear to be unapproachable in our minds, or she may have even turned you down for a drink earlier. Whereas other guys might pursue her more aggressively, we tend to ease up, not wanting to apply pressure. According to the movie, women can smell an agenda, so your best chance of hooking up comes after you have given up the desire to do just that. While the irony is tragic, this is the best way for a shy guy to become attractive without looking like a pushover. Case in point - two weeks ago after a party, I was playing some poker with buddies when a couple girls decided to join. Within the course of an hour, the girls had decided they wanted to play strip poker, had taken their clothes off, and were prancing about naked by the swimming pool. Not bad for a guy who had originally just wanted to play some cards.

Secondly, whether you are regarded as a rebel or as a typical nice guy, you've got to be good at something. "The Tao of Steve" dictates that in order to prove your sexual worthiness, you've got to do something excellent in the presence of your ideal girl. Generally, my Lexus IS300 works as an attention-getter for me, but again, it is only an extension of my job, and a shallow one at that. So, if you are good with children, let her visit you while you baby-sit. If you can cook, prepare a killer sushi meal, or, if you can play soccer, invite her to a game. So long as you set yourself apart from the competition, you have made a positive impression. For example, my buddy had his girlfriend and her roommate over about a week ago. By coincidence, the roommate was into cars and performance driving. Being the "nice guy," I took her out for a spirited sprint around town - we ended up getting together the very same night.

Finally, the nice guy must know how to retreat. Girls play hard to get all the time, so it can only be considered fair for guys to exhibit the same behavior. By pulling away, either before or after she has shown interest, you demonstrate to her that you cannot be had so easily - a move that will blow her mind. Chances are good that she has had more than enough experience with overly zealous suitors, so your well-timed hesitancy will give her a moment of pause. Heidegger said, "We pursue that which eludes us," a truth nearly every man has fallen victim to. As a nice guy, you have the opportunity to employ a technique mastered by the "bad boys" long ago, but to a lesser extent. Rather than forgetting to call a girl altogether, like her egotistical jerk-off of an ex, say, "I'll give you a call later tonight." Certainly, this line makes you seem slightly more aloof than "I'll call you at 8:15, after I get home from the driving range." I employed this technique only four days after the first strip-poker incident. I was alone with two girls (one I had known for years, and the other I had met that night) who both had the desire to play cards. Again, both girls ended up naked. After a string of losses, I decided to remain at least partially clothed, knowing full well that my modest self would feel uncomfortable if I chose otherwise. My "retreat" lasted until the girls decided the easiest way to coax me out of my beloved J. Crew jeans would be a ménage a trois. By all means, ladies...

So there you have it - the nice guy can have a profitable job, a killer car, and luck with the ladies. When all is said and done, The Attitude dictates whether or not you are regarded as "just another sweetie" by women or "the dapper guy with the Lexus who opens doors and pulls out chairs."