*name has been changed to protect her privacy

Rush: So tell me, do you consider yourself Butch or Femme?

SJ: Butch.

Rush:Do you think it is accurate to be able to categorize all lesbians as butch or femme?

SJ: No, not really. there are a lot of grays there too. I do have a lot of male friends, I don't know if that's a very butch thing to do. I consider myself butch, but I've seen much butch-er. I, for example, still wear women's underwear while there are many hard-core butches who won't wear bras and are into wearing men's boxers.

Rush: Oh yeah, I have even seen those fake flaccid ball and dick units used by women to look like they are packing the real thing at Good Vibrations.

SJ: Hahahaha! Yup.

Rush: When did you realize you were a lesbian?

SJ: Hmm. Well, I realized that I liked girls in kindergarten, but I also had crushes on boys at the time. I guess I started to focus solely on women a couple of years ago.

Rush: Have you encountered any discrimination based on your sexuality?

SJ: No, I must say I haven't had the pleasure yet.

Rush: How did you feel growing up, about your attraction to women?

SJ: I just went with it until I realized there was a social stigma attached. I realized that when I was in second grade. Then I thought I'd just grow out of it... and that didn't happen!

Rush: Did you consider yourself bisexual?

SJ: Yeah, and to a certain extent I might technically still be bisexual. There's the occasional guy that I'll find attractive, but I don't put a lot of weight on it. I consider myself to be a lesbian.

Rush: How do you define the difference? Are you just more attracted to women physically? Or is there more to it?

SJ: I'm way more attracted to women physically and I can't really imagine myself spending the rest of my life with a guy. I think a bisexual would probably consider both men and women as possible life partners. I guess sexuality isn't always black and white. I'm sort of in the gray area, closer to the gay side (of course).

Rush: Have you ever been in love with a man? Do you think that if a straight relationship worked out for you, would you have gotten married even though you knew you were a lesbian?

SJ: I've been in love with a man twice, my first boyfriend and my last, which was 6 years ago. I'm not sure how long it would've lasted since my attraction to women was growing and he knew it. I wasn't terribly attracted to him physically, but we had a deep emotional attachment.

Rush: Were you out of the closet at that time?

SJ: I was in the closet with most people. But not so much with the friends I had from college.

Rush: When did you consider yourself officially out of the closet?

SJ: Probably about two or three years ago, it's been gradual. I'm not really into drama so I won't be announcing it on Ricki Lake any time soon.

Rush: Do you find it difficult to be out to some, but not to others? Have you told your family?

SJ: Well, I'm not out to my family -- that would be really hard. I'm out to pretty much all of my close friends, though. [laughs] I come from a long line of homophobes.

Rush: If you had control over your sexuality, would you choose to be straight or queer?

SJ: Hmmm, this answer may piss some people off, but I think that if people could actually choose their sexual orientation, everyone would be straight.

Rush: Why is that? Some people would think bisexual would be ideal - double the opportunity and all that.

SJ: Nah, people say that, but when it comes to social acceptance, straight people have the advantage. It is interesting that bisexuals are barely accepted in straight OR gay society. Straight people stereotype bisexuals as greedy and over-sexed which is not true, and many people in the gay community think bisexuals are confused or just closeted gays. It's not easy being gay. It only gets easy once you've learned to accept yourself. But straight people don't have to take time to accept their orientation since it's the "norm." Gays and straights just don't seem to understand bisexuality.

Rush: Would you ever participate in a threesome with a straight couple?



SJ: Well, in my head I say yes, but probably not in reality. I don't even think I could participate in a threesome with two other lesbians.

Rush: You are destroying the fantasies of our readers!

SJ: Haha! Well, maybe I could do it if there was a lot of drinking involved….and they were really hot.

Rush: Whew. Do you feel that receiving oral sex is better from women because they know what feels good? Or have you been with men that are just as talented?

SJ: I've been with a few talented men, but they definitely had to work on it. I don't think lesbians really have to work on the skill as much, because they know how it feels… so yeah.

Rush: What was your first experience like with a woman and when did it occur?

SJ: What kind of experience? Full-on, butt-naked sex?

Rush: Yes, when was the first time you had sex with a woman?

SJ: A year after I graduated from Stanford I hooked up with this really hot chick, Valerie, that I knew from school. She was kind of tall, about 5'9", had an athletic body, long straight light brown hair, and big blue eyes...I would melt in those eyes. She was hot! We went out drinking and she looked amazing, so we flirted at the bars and drank a ton. Afterwards, she took me back to her apartment and totally seduced me. I didn't fight it, even though I had a boyfriend at the time. She had some major skills!

Rush: How did you feel about it afterwards?

SJ: Hmm, when I woke up in the morning, I felt a little awkward and extremely hung over. We ended up going to breakfast and chatted as if nothing had happened. I certainly didn't want to bring it up.

Rush: Did you tell your boyfriend?

SJ: Eventually, yes. He and I had been on a break when it happened and when we got serious again, I broke it to him. He wasn't exactly psyched to hear the news.

Rush: Did you continue to see Valerie?

SJ: Nah, we hung out, but she and I both had boyfriends, so we didn't push anything. Actually, she ended up marrying her boyfriend.

Rush: Do you consider dildos, vibrators, and other sex toys an adequate replacement for having sex with a real man?

SJ: I don't really consider those things as replacements for men...they're just sex toys used to enhance the sex, not as a replacement. And two women can have amazing sex without toys.

Rush: I am sure a lot of guys out there will be happy to hear that. Speaking of men, do you know any lesbians who are stereotypical man-haters?

SJ: Oh yes. I know some lesbians who won't even allow men into their homes. They don't like men, gay or straight. They're a bit crazy...in my humble opinion.

Rush: Do you think they are so extreme, that they would also be against dildos shaped like penises because they resemble a real male member?

SJ: I don't think so, but I'm not really close enough to any man haters to know what they do in the bedrooms. However, even the biggest man-hater likes penetration!

Rush: Since you have had straight sex and enjoyed it, do you ever miss having sex with men?

SJ: No, not really.

Rush: Where do you go to meet women?

SJ: Well, since I moved back to San Francisco last summer, it's been really difficult to meet women. I lived in NYC for a couple of years, and I met quite a few cool lesbians. I guess the lesbian social scene there is way more lively than it is here, and New York lesbians seem very different from the lesbians in San Francisco. I don't mean to generalize, but there aren't really that many good-looking lesbians here. There are too many who look like men. Many don't even attempt to look like women. Oh, and the lesbians here are way too political...so far left that they're pink!

Rush: So you don't have any regular clubs or bars that you go to?

SJ: I have gone to Mitchell Brothers strip club a few times here in the city and that was very cool.

Rush: Even though you were surrounded by drooling straight men?

SJ: Hell, I don't care as long as I'm getting my groove on! The women there are very friendly. Not for the long term, but for the very short term.

Rush: Are there other lesbians there as well?

SJ: Yes, I saw a few lesbian customers there. Most of the dancers there are lesbians, believe it or not. I don't know where they hide in the daytime!

Rush: Sounds like it's a great time.

SJ: It is, you should join me some time. Don't worry, I won't let any of the dancers bother you.

Rush: Ok, let me know the next time you plan on going. Sheesh, the things I do for Rush Magazine. Thanks for taking the time out to talk with me today.

SJ: Anytime, girl.