Your girlfriend gets off watching porn with you.

Isn't that what you want to be able to brag to your buddies? No longer would you have to bury the porn on your computer ten folders deep in an effort to conceal them from her eyes. No longer would you have to lie and say that porn chicks are unattractive. No longer would you have to hide this dirty little passion for celluloid sex, worried that your girlfriend will dump you upon discovery. The only question is: How do you talk her into it?

A Taboo Topic

Several years into a relationship, you and your girlfriend have reached a level of familiarity that allows you to be in the same room together in complete silence for hours on end. You have lived together for so long, that you fart not only in her presence, but also at the dinner table. (You might think that's cool, but it isn't. Do you hear that, my ex-who-will-not-be-named? Yeah. You. Pig.) If you've been together long enough that you feel you can casually bring up porn, then it can be as simple as turning to her during the commercial break of Survivor and saying nonchalantly, "Hey, let's watch some porn."

For others, bringing up the subject of watching a skin flick together is not so easy. In the honeymoon period of new love, the last thing you want to do is upset your girlfriend and have her refuse to sleep with you for the next couple of weeks because you pushed her into watching something she wasn't ready for. If you're lucky, the two of you will be talking about sex and she'll ask you about your masturbatory practices. If that happens, be honest and let her know that you use videos to assist you. If she doesn't like you hiding smut from her while you wank off to it in the middle of the night, tell her you just weren't sure she would be okay with it and you would actually prefer to share it with her rather than hide it. Even if she doesn't bring it up, find a way to talk about it in a casual get-to-know-each-other-better kind of way. Don't be overly enthusiastic and passionate about porn or she'll feel threatened and think you're some kind of obsessive sex fiend that prefers porn to her.

Discussing porn may occur on the spur of the moment when she finds your stash behind those old Superbowl tapes, or hidden on your hard drive. "What's THIS???", she asks. Don't lie. Don't stutter. Be honest and offer to show it to her. In fact, it would probably be best to tell you right now that hiding anything from your woman is pointless -- she'll find it eventually. So be upfront with what you've got, and she'll be much less likely to be threatened or upset by your porn collection. The harder you try to hide it, the more she is going to be suspicious that porn means more to you than her love and your relationship. That may not sound reasonable to you, but to a woman this makes perfect sense.

Now that you have brought up the topic, make sure you impress upon your girlfriend that you are indeed capable of separating the use of porn as a masturbatory tool, and what you want from a real girlfriend. Say whatever you need to say in order for her to understand -- and more importantly, believe -- you when you tell her that those porn actresses are not half as hot as she is. At this point, she will be exhibiting curiosity as to what you like to watch, and what you already have in your collection. Don't discourage it; this is exactly what you want to happen.

Choosing Porn for Her

The moment has come to introduce her to your secret little hobby. If you think most of the material you own may scare her off, it's time to do some shopping to prepare.

There is a porn movie made for every fetish and fantasy you can possibly think of (if you don't already know). If this is your girlfriend's first foray into pornography, I suggest you shy away from extreme sex videos and try to find some "couple porn." Couple Porn usually has a semblance of a "plot" and features one main heterosexual couple. The couple will end up doing it in various positions, but nothing too kinky. It is almost impossible not to get some anal sex included in even the tamest of these types of films, so if she's squeamish you may want to fast forward. Extreme Porn videos don't bother with a plot and just get straight to the action. If there is a number in the title, indicating it is one in a series, you can be pretty sure that it is just a collection of boinking scenes.

On the other hand, if you think she can handle something hardcore, choose one featuring some "actresses" she wouldn't mind watching, meaning it may not be a wise choice to pick the 6 foot-tall Amazon peroxide blondes with so much plastic surgery that it will inspire your woman to rant about the evils of society's idea of beauty. Don't tempt her. More appealing would be women that are real and approachable. Select natural-looking women such as Jenna Haze, who is petite at 5'3" and unlike most porn actresses, has not been under a surgical knife to have her breasts enhanced. She has a sweet and giggly demeanor that won't intimidate most women and she is featured in various types of films, from couples to lesbian to seriously extreme.