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Written by Chaser Staff   
Tuesday, 14 November 2006

You like her but you don't love her. You may want to continue having sex with her but you don't want a girlfriend. You enjoy her company but want to wake up alone. Methods, people, methods...

 

Wait to return phone calls

The longer you keep her on a phone call return grace period, the longer you can stretch out this so called dating game. The trick is walk the line of not being a dick. The cardinal rule states: If a man reaches orgasm at night, he owes a phone call sometime in the next 24 hours. Unwritten rule for those that want seconds. Now if she calls just to talk after a non-date night, continue to wait a day or two to return. Work is hectic, life is tough, friends in town are all good excuses that a woman is willing to believe because they have nothing to do with her. Make it circumstantial. Eventually she will catch feelings and paint you into an emotional corner. But until decision time, the game is yours. And it's on.

Change your race

If the goal is to have access to casual sex without worrying about ramping it up to the next level, there's nothing more perfect than interracial love. Jungle fever is hot, passionate and thrilling, but that's just the problem. In the back of her mind the relationship will be neatly tucked away in the "guys I did to discover my inner superwoman sexual being self" category. This works great if you are going for native american, because half of the guys in novels women write about their inner superwoman sexual beings are native american. It's also easier to pull off.

If you are already in an interracial relationship then you're ahead of the game.

 

Keep her away from your parents

If your mom likes your girlfriend you are functionally married. People have this misconception that commitment stems from some overwhelming, irrational fit of monogamy worship. It doesn't. It actually stems from fear of reprisal. As a male you are programmed to do the anonymous slut in the miniskirt regardless of whatever sexual obligations "society" has shackled you with. Only negative reinforcement can turn an animal against his true nature, and nowhere can you find more negative reinforcement than from dear old mom.

 

Stay away from her parents

In the highly unlikely event that her parents like you, you're saddled with basically the same problem. You won't be any more invested in the relationship but she will be. Perish the thought, she may even be pressured by her harridan of a mom to pop out some kids.

 

Confuse her

Give her all of your attention some days, and pay her no attention other days. Send her a bouquet of flowers on Monday, and don't talk to her until Friday. Send her mixed signals at every opportunity. This way, when she tells you that she is confused, you can tell her that you are too. Confusion in relationships can go both ways, but it usually doesn't.

 

Cheat on her

Even if she is a batty hellwench who won't leave you no matter how many pills you have in your medicine cabinet, then you have to spell it out for her.

Women don't think like we do; you can't drop hints or be subtle. Just blurt out sometime that you and your lady friend are going out to a nice restaurant and then to a foam party. Or you can always just have sex with a slimmer woman in her bed right around the time she gets home from work. That'll drive the point home.

 

Cry

Make it look good. Make it look like you're pondering the plight of your relationship, and the thought of leaving her brings tears to your eyes.

When she asks what's wrong, just remain silent for a while, and finally say, " I can't talk about it".

Then go back to playing Xbox.

 
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