They like to be called exotic dancers. Adult entertainment specialists perhaps. But to guys like us, they are strippers. Some men live for them, others simply lust for them. They work their magic on stage, which mainly involves them seductively removing their clothing to the hardest pounding of beats. And maybe its the eye contact that does it to you. Maybe its the snail trail she leaves on the brass pole as she slides down it. Either way, this stripper is causing more southerly blood flow then a Columbian drug cartel, and you've got to have her.

(Disclaimer: You can not and will not walk into a strip joint and get one of the dancers phone numbers. Not to say that it is completely impossible, but it is close enough. You could spend endless amounts of time figuring out the best way to do this, but suffice it to say, I did the research for you, and have come up with a better way. Unfortunately, this 'better way' goes against the advice of our lawyers, but I'm going to share it with you any ways. The methods outlined in this edition of digits are as much an explanation as to why you can't pick up a stripper at work as they are a guide to picking up a stripper. The logic is simple, read on.)

Hook

Some strippers really like to use drugs. All kinds of them. And they drink a lot too. Some of them even moonlight doing more personal services. Basically this involves them putting their mouth where your money is, so to speak. On top of those issues, they've got about four bouncers who are begging to get some action. On any given night, about four-hundred drunk guys make their way through the club, all checking they're collective manners at the door. Hooting and hollering sexually inappropriate comments is par for the course with most of these guys, and about three hundred and sixty of the nights patrons will try to pick up one of the strippers at some point.

You get it yet? No? Allow me to continue.

See, there is also a seventy-five percent chance that she has a boyfriend named Rocco, and that said boyfriend drives a Camaro with a purple light underneath. Rocco has a mullet. He is already contemplating skull-bashing every drunk that yells an obscenity at his girl, so what do you think he is going to do to a suave guy like you plays it cool and makes all the right moves? She hates this creep, but he is one of the few guys she has met outside the club, and she'd never date a loser that goes to those types of places.

So you are going to follow her home from work.

I know, this is technically stalking. The key here though, is that you are going to have to run into her 'by chance' one day outside of the strip joint. So unless you know where she spends her time away from work, it is quite unlikely that you are going to meet up with her by chance.

She works in the evening, and there is no chance that a girl with that much pent up energy stays home all day, waiting for her shift at the peeler bar. She will eventually have to go grocery shopping. It is up to you to follow her to the store and meet her there.

WARNING: Do this part right the first time, make sure you don't fuck it up. If you continue to camp outside her home, waiting for the right opportunity, you are a stalker, and eventually, some guy's bitch in prison.

Line

So you've managed to meet up with her at the grocery store by chance. Now what? The key here when making your approach and delivering your line(s) is to never acknowledge that you know what she does for a living, because if she is truly interested in you, she will hide what she does for a living from you until she feels more comfortable around you.

To keep that incredible dancers body, she had to eat healthy. So she just loaded her cart full of fresh fruits and vegetables, and your standing next to her in the bread section:

"You know, you should try making a vegetarian pita pizza. I'm not a vegetarian myself, but they are so good, and really quite simple to make!"

This is an excellent line. You've revealed so much about yourself with that simple phrase. You are creative, you can cook, you are healthy, and you are open enough to share ideas. You've also acknowledged her great figure by assuming she'd want to eat something so healthy, and strippers like to have their egos stroked.

"You know, if that cucumber isn't really for a salad, you probably should have grabbed a bigger one, because I know what you do for a living."

You already know she can raise her legs high in the air. Now watch her raise one of them up between your legs, jackass.

When you deliver your first line (the one about the pizza), it is essential that you don't come across as someone that is trying to pick her up. Don't hold eye contact too long, don't stand too close to her, don't get personal. Tell her how to make the pizza, then continue with your shopping. She will think you are just friendly and won't assume that you are on the make, even though you are. Now you just have to run into her a second time while she is picking up the parmesan cheese for her pita pizza:

"Try the light one instead of the regular. They taste exactly the same on a pizza, but this one has only half the fat."

Once again, you've been terribly helpful.

"You probably should get the light parmesan cheese, I've seen your work, and I don't think your ass needs to expand anymore then it already has."

Actually, say that line instead, and report back to me with the results.

Twice now you've shown her your helpful side, and already you are scoring well in her popular opinion polls (the only pole she knows that isn't brass). On both occasions, you've said your piece and you've moved on, you haven't been the least bit forward. You've been nothing but helpful. It is now time to up the ante, and show her the wolf in sheep's clothing. Arrange to pass by her one more time. Deliver this can't miss line:

"Hey, are you following me?" (If only she knew how you ended up here. The irony is fantastic.) Say it jokingly, of course.

Delicate laughter will ensue as she realizes the hilarity of the situation.

Laughter = comfort.

Make sure you are in an area of the store where you will not be blocking the flow of traffic, because you are about to get into a drawn out conversation, which is what you've been after since the night you followed her home from work. Your efforts have almost reached fruition.

Sinker

As difficult a pick-up as this has been, the closing couldn't be more simple. Here is why.

We've discussed her hesitation in dating guys that she meets at work, and we've also discussed why this hesitation exists. Now, because 90% of the guys she meets are at work, and the other 10% are probably not the type of guy she is after, you my friend are golden. Add to that the fact that you are a loyal reader of Rush magazine, and statistics have shown, time and time again that Rush men get laid three times as often as the readers of any other online magazine.

She is interested in you. You've taken the time to talk to her. You don't know what she does for a living (and if at any point it comes up, dismiss it casually, as if it doesn't phase you), and you've proven yourself to be an interesting enough person. All this working for you, and yet you are still somewhat hesitant in making your move. Why? Quite simply, this is the best looking woman you've ever approached, and you are afraid to fuck it up.

Be a man, and assert yourself. If all else fails, mentally remind yourself (don't say this out loud, it could blow the whole deal) just how badly you want this girl sliding down your brass pole for a change. Then deliver your line:

"We seem to have similar interests when it comes to food. Why don't we go out for dinner some time. Or better still, why don't you come over, and I'll make you dinner?"

An invitation this forward is going to work because she is anxious to meet a great guy that she can introduce to her mother. Actually, as long as you don't have a mullet, you should be fine. She is tired of dating guys with mullets. You've shown her all the qualities, now show her you can deliver the goods.