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This is our dating advice panel. The concept is simple: a panel of well-qualified experts answers your insipid questions about dating and romance. Commence.  Jennifer Allen is the proprietor, designer and star of her personal web cam site, www.pleaselookatme.com.
 Dr. Judith Greenberg is an author, lecturer, historian, activist and Professor Emeritus at Brown University. She is best known for such works as Marriage: the Ubiquitous Genocide, and Male-Dominated History: the New Apocrypha.
 J. Lo's Ass is proportionately the largest ass on Earth. It is currently seeking legal emancipation from J. Lo proper, and also 60% of her likeness rights.
 Kyle Skinner is a writer at Chaser Magazine.
Is it second or third cousin before we can have sex? I forget. -Puzzled in Arkansas Kyle: Depends on who you are planning to tell about the sex. Jennifer: OMG!!! Ewwwwwww!!! Nas-ty!!! Dr. Greenberg: This question is obviously meant to blatantly incite the respected members of this panel to react with disgust and shock. Only an idiot would fall for such a simple and sophomoric attempt for attention. This makes me sick and I refuse to dignify this answer with a response of any kind. Jennifer: ummm, you just did! Hehe! J. Lo's Ass: I don't know about cousins but I like to have alternating sex. By that I mean I like to alternate between somebodies and nobodies. You know, like Puff Daddy, Chris Judd then Ben Affleck. Before Puffy there was that other nobody. And then before that, well I can't remember that far. I'm just a large ass.
Recently my girlfriend revealed that she used to be a man. She, or I guess, he, is really hot though. I mean, she was on the Maury Povich show and people couldn't tell she used to be a guy. What do I do? -Conflicted Jennifer: Hon, you need a REAL girl. I mean, what happens when you take her skirt off? Is there anything there or is it just a ken doll bump? LOL Kyle: My first suggestion would be to NOT write in to us about something like this, because we are now going to go out of our way to tell everyone you've ever met that you are boning a dude. My second item is more of a question. I mean, how hot is this guy? Send us a photo, and we will post a secret poll amongst our members. If 51% say he/she is hot, then you can continue. If not, it must end. And you're gay. Dr. Greenberg: This is not about what you want to do, this is about what your partner wants to do. Personally, I do not regard transgendered individuals as true womyn but I still believe in the power of the goddess, and if your partner embraces the goddess and stands up for "her" rights to be respected, then you are obligated to comply. J Lo's Ass: I had a similar problem when I was dating Puff. I was always under the impression that I was dating a black man but when we became close he revealed to me that he was in reality just a white guy who grew up in the Hamptons. He wanted to see how far he could get sampling Sting and pronouncing strength, "stremf." I guess that doesn't help though, as it's nothing close to copulating yourself on an inverted penis.
I'm a contestant on a reality show where I date several dozen men concealed by masks. My question is, what's the best way within the confines of the show to determine how large their cocks are? -Anonymous Kyle: Err, grab them? Does that violate show rules? Don't look at their feet, and don't look at their hands. Those are old wives tales. Instead, smell their socks. The worse they smell, the bigger their wang. I swear. Jennifer: LOL!!! So with you there, girlfriend! But more importantly, how can you tell who is the most successful and has the most money? I mean, I am TOTALLY NOT materialistic, but you can't go on a show like that and waste your time on some loser! Dr. Greenberg: I am dismayed at the suggestion that a male's genitalia is important in deciding whether or not he is a worthy individual. A man derives too much power and self-worth from his penis anyway! As womyn we should not be giving into this misdirection of power and reclaim it for ourselves. Do not allow yourself to be drawn to that piece of extra skin that dangles between a man's legs to carry his waste away from his body, do not allow yourself to be mesmerized by that thing which he uses as an excuse to keep womyn down. Base your opinions on his character and his ability to embrace the goddess. More likely than not, all of those men are worthless pigs and you should be ashamed of yourself for even participating in that vile show. J. Lo's Ass: In my personal experience I just wait until J. Lo's mouth fellates it, and check it out at that time. Not sure if that helps you. |
