Unfortunately, Jedi business took him away to the other side of the galaxy and so the answer to that question was postponed indefinitely. So, with a new dress to wear and no one to wear it for, I decided to head over to the Cantina and see if I could find someone to take my mind off of Obi-Wan.

I sashayed my way to the bar and propped myself there, keeping one eye on the entrance of the Cantina and one eye on my drink. You never know when some creep might drop a little something in your glass to make you so drugged up that you somehow don’t notice the unibrow taking over half of his face or the fact he has slimy tentacles instead of ears. Hey, maybe that works for some chicks but I prefer my guys to be more Human than Hutt. Distracted by a fight between the members of the band, I was taken off guard by the protocol droid that suddenly appeared next to me. He was trying to hide behind me with a blanket over his head in a poor attempt at a disguise. Before I could ask for an explanation, he introduced himself. Gesturing jerkily and sounding quite nervous, he leans in to say, “I beg your pardon, my name is C-3PO and I have been sent here to give you a message. My companion wishes you to join him at that table over there. Please, follow me.” Figuring I had nothing to lose, I followed C-3PO through the crowd. If a droid made an effort to be with him here in disguise, perhaps this mysterious companion is someone prestigious or rich or, more importantly, devastatingly hot.

As we made our way across the floor, I took the opportunity to fluff my hair with my fingers and smooth a bit of gloss on my lips. I was grinning broadly with anticipation by the time we reached the table and as I spun around to say hello, my smile dropped faster than a wookie on ice. Before me jittering with excitement was a tall, lanky Gungan. Lunging forward and spilling his drink all over my dress, he squeals, “Meesa Jar Jar Binks! Meesa thinks yoosa supah supah neat!” Oh. No. Not only is my dress soaking wet but I’m feeling claustrophobic and frantically looking for the nearest exit. C-3PO, sensing that I am about to flee, calmly offers me the shroud on his head to dry myself off and tells me of Jar Jar’s recent success in battle and that our clumsy friend here is close to some very impressive people, including the ever-elusive Obi-Wan Kenobi. Ok, so maybe this Jar Jar isn’t so bad. He has some good connections, he seems to be going places, and maybe I can ignore the clumsiness and awkward social skills in favor of getting to know him better. In my efforts, maybe I could even become attracted to him and forget about Obi-wan, whose Jedi lifestyle would be incompatible with my own.

Silently convincing myself that meeting this lop-eared fool was worth my while, I picked my smile up from the sticky floor and slapped it back on my face determined to turn this into a positive situation. I sat between Jar Jar and C-3PO and spent the evening listening to a chorus of “Supah supah neat!”, "Whatta Hoot!" and “My goodness, that is delightful” in response to every comment that I uttered. Not that I am complaining, mind you. A girl likes to be showered with attention and flattered. Sitting there between The Fool and The Stiff, they were a rapt audience for my stories and were very kind and generous in their compliments. At the end of the evening, I had to admit to myself that I was having a good time and I felt genuinely glad that I took the time to meet them. Explaining that I had to get up early in the morning, I stood up to leave and I accepted when Jar Jar invited me to meet him again at the races to continue where we left off. I left the two of them in the Cantina and made my way home.

A few days went by and no word from Jar Jar. Convincing myself that maybe he could grow on me and maybe he could be worth dating, I was hoping to see him again soon. Finally, one day I ran into him on my way to rent an airspeeder. I asked him how things were going and how the rest of his evening went at the Cantina after I left. To my amazement, he starts telling me about another woman that he picked up at the Cantina no more than a few minutes after my departure that night and how she was the best part of the evening. “Meesa not have fun til de purty girl come!” Not only that, but how this woman was “Everything meesa want!” The more he gushed about this other woman, the more annoyed I became. It’s not that I was romantically interested in Jar Jar, but the way he was talking about this other woman made me feel like I was dull in comparison. Here he is talking about how great and perfect some other woman is and how he is taking her to the races. He had conveniently forgotten that he had already given me the same invitation. I gently reminded him and he responded by jumping up and down and clapping his hands shrieking, “Meesa have two girlie girlies at de same time!” Yeah. Whatever. In your dreams, buddy. Lucky for Jar Jar, I never did have any romantic interest in him so although I was irritated and offended, I did not feel hurt. Smiling politely, I left as his eyes glazed over talking to himself, droning on and on about her.

Walking away and leaving him behind, I was disappointed. Not because I wouldn’t see him again, but because I really did have a nice evening with him at the Cantina. Now in hindsight it seems like it was a waste of my time and all the positive thoughts I had about him were gone. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would have never told him to his face that I found Obi-Wan more attractive than him. It might be the truth, but you just don’t do that out of respect for someone’s feelings. I knew instinctively from the minute I saw him that Jar Jar had the social skills of an inbred jawa, yet I took the time to give him a chance and he turned around and insulted me. I should have seen it coming. However, the experience proved to be a valuable lesson… I shouldn’t lower my standards while waiting for a real man to come around. I’d rather stay home alone and save the money up for a new garment-cleaning droid.

Courtney Young continues to search the galaxy for a willing, able, and available Jedi.

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