You aren't going to believe this but I swear every word I am telling you is true. May the Force strike me down dead if it isn't!

Last night, I got together with Darth Maul. Yes, I said Darth. As in Sith. As in E-V-I-L.

Ok, call me crazy, but I honestly didn't know who he was when I first met him. It's not like there are "Have You Seen Me?" pictures of the Sith everywhere so you can identify who they are. Anyway, I was hired last night to help cater this event for some of the officers in the Trade Federation. I did it as a favor for a friend hired to host the party and was shorthanded. Besides, I thought it would be a good way to meet people. Alright fine, I thought it was a good way to meet men. Better than staying home alone again, right?

So as I'm gliding around the floor in this ridiculous white and gold gown trying to look like I am overjoyed to be serving refreshments, I see this mysterious looking guy in a black hooded cape hanging out in the corner by himself. There was just something about him that got my attention. The room was packed with several representatives from all over the galaxy, humans were definitely the minority there so it wasn't the fact that he had horns or vicious looking teeth that made him stand out from the crowd. He had this quiet confident pose, with this bemused grin on his face as if he was the keeper of a secret everyone else in the room wished they knew. I was immediately intrigued.

I waited until he was sips away from finishing his drink and then I made my move. I sidled up to his table and coyly asked him if he would like a refill or perhaps try something new. He didn't respond immediately and just as the silence became officially uncomfortable, I opened my mouth and began to apologize for bothering him. As soon as started to speak, it was as if he knew what I was going to say and he whispered, "No. That is not what I want." Well, that is what I heard but I now am not so sure if he actually said it or if he just planted that thought in my head. Damn Siths, as if we didn't have to deal with being jerked around enough by normal guys, we also have to deal with ones that use The Force to take mind games to a whole new level. Regaining my composure, I asked him if there was anything I could get for him and he said that he would like to take a little walk and requested that I join him. I figured it wouldn't be hard to slip out for just a little while so I followed him out a nearby exit.

Exhilarated and a little nervous, I followed him down one corridor and then the next. I wasn't sure where we were going and I was also more than just a little peeved that he was walking so fast ahead of me. Eventually, we ended up in a room adorned in regal décor and without a word, he presses me up against the wall and covers my mouth with his own. Surprisingly, for someone with dangerously menacing teeth, his tongue was mighty friendly. I have never been embraced by someone like this before. His energy and confidence was so intoxicating that it didn't matter that I knew zilch about this guy, he was hot! With his hood down I was able to see his face in better light. He had black and red tattoos on the back of his head and I was startled to see that they also covered his entire face. Normally, that would have freaked me out but on this guy the tattoos just seemed natural. I wondered if I had finally found myself a stereotypical Bad Boy. Little did I know that would soon be an understatement.

We stood there making out for what seemed like an eternity when I realized that he had almost completely disrobed me. I pushed him away and told him to slow down and asked if we could talk a little, that I didn't even know his name. At first he looked angry, but he backed off and told me his name is Khameir, that he is a Zabrakian and from the planet Iridonia. Well, that explained the horns on his head but I was worried about another kind of horniness that he had going on. He lunged towards me and as I sidestepped him to stay out of his reach, I asked him what brought him to the Trade Federation party and if he was affiliated with any of the guests. Rather than answering my question, he started talking about how great and powerful he was and how lucky I am that he is allowing me to be alive in his presence. At first I laughed, assuming he was just acting cocky to impress me, but it soon became apparent that this guy had a serious ego and he really meant every word he was saying. He kept on going, talking about The Force, his mentor and how everyone was soon going to know who he was and how everyone will fear his name, blah blah blah. I tried to comment, but I couldn't get a word in edgewise. In fact, the more he went on, the more it seemed that he was losing interest in me and getting increasingly passionate talking about himself.

Finally, I pulled up my robe and plunked myself into the nearest chair and watched him pace around the room loudly singing his own praises. The more he bragged, the more turned off I became. What I thought was confidence was just pure self-inflated egotism. Irritated, I wondered why this guy had the nerve to say that he is some kind of superior being and I foolishly made the mistake of opening my big mouth and telling him that. The next thing I knew, his face was so close to mine I could feel his breath on my lips but this time it wasn't to kiss me. He was furious. I thought he was going to literally bite my head off. No, he didn't pull out a double-ended lightsaber and start swinging it around, but it wouldn't have surprised me if he did.

Grabbing me around the throat with his hand, the same hand that earlier felt so strong and sexy, I felt his fingers wrap around my neck pinching my skin and I suddenly realized how fragile my life was at that very moment. I think having my life literally in his hand actually turned him on. I saw that lascivious gleam return to his eyes and then he started licking the side of my face. I honestly couldn't decide if I was scared, or turned on, or both. Completely changing his tone but never loosening his grip on my throat, Khameir murmured compliments in my ear, telling me I was beautiful and how much he desired me. Just when I started to believe maybe his aggression was just part of his sex play and there was no real danger, he dropped me to the floor and hissed that I should be thankful that "Darth Maul has decided to spare my life." It took me a moment before I realized that this guy Khameir was talking about himself.

Khameir was Darth Maul. As the truth sank in, my stomach tied itself into a knot as I realized all the pompous and self-inflated comments spewing from him earlier were actually true. This power that he claimed to have over women and people in general wasn't just male bravado talking, he uses the power from the dark side of The freaking Force. Overwhelmed, I covered my face with my hands afraid to see what he would do next. It became quiet and I looked up to find myself alone in the room. Gathering my wits, I ran out of there as quickly as I could and somehow found my way back to the main room where the party was wrapping up and they had started to clean up.

I am grateful that I made it out alive but I am puzzled why he even bothered with me in the first place. It is not like Jedi warriors in general have a lot of time for dating and sex, and the Sith are not known for their social skills. So why did he seek me out? Did he just need a sounding board to allow him an opportunity to go on and on about himself? Why would he waste time with a simple human girl serving drinks? Perhaps even the most evil and powerful men in the galaxy need to be validated by a woman every once in a while. After all, don't all males crave female attention? Oh I know several guys who claim that they don't have time for women or relationships, that their duty is to their ship, their team, the Rebellion. But when it comes down to it, they all want a girl to notice them, pay attention, and swoon over them stroking their egos and reaffirming their illusions of self-importance…even Siths and Jedi Warriors. No, I'm not offended or insulted in the least, it just goes to show that women do indeed have a kind of power over men because they need us. We just need to know how to use their need to our advantage.

This was my first real encounter with the dark side and I hope it is my last. But there is one positive thing that I learned from this experience, the Sith sure know how to kiss.