So that bitch of an ex that you once called the best thing to ever happen to you found someone better. "What would some of the cruelest people in the world do in a similar situation," you may wonder. Well, the answers are below.

Legal Disclaimer: We by no mean endorse these methods for actual use. Ignore a woman at your own damn risk!

Porn Video / Pictures

Think of it as an insurance policy on your next relationship. You're a happy couple, new in the relationship, and willing to dabble in amateur voyeurism. It shouldn't take long to persuade her if she's really infatuated with you. In three months when she threatens to take your couch and the entertainment centre you built, just mention her naked pictures or sex videos, and watch her motives weaken. If she continues to have sex with someone else behind your back, mail the pictures to her parents.

E-mail the video to her boss.

But keep a copy, just in case she still wants that ashtray of yours.

Infiltrate Her New Relationship

So if she dumped you and you're that worked up about it that you want retaliation, she's probably banging somebody else. And she probably has been banging this dude for quite some time. Meaning that she has grown attached to him. Hire, if you must, a girl who is willing to pretend to be the other girl in HIS life. Have her make calls to basically plant the seed of jealousy in her mind. That deadly sin is like a weed that will eventually encompass the garden that is her mind. Kick back and watch silent scorn implode her psyche as her new relationship falls apart. And even if she believes that he is not fooling around, there will always be those dark moments where there will exist a shadow of a doubt and that is where you will win.

Sleep with Her Sister/Best Friend

If she doesn't have one (of age), she has the other. Have her world crumble as you break apart her personal network irreversibly. Make sure she finds out. Like, mail her a pair of her sister's panties, or just use her sister, dump her, then send the family a Christmas card. Let her know that you are un phased, and further yet, unstoppable.

Stop Recognizing Her Existence

Chances are this is all a big mind game on her part anyway. This new douche is more than likely a rebound, unless you were the rebound to begin with. If she tries to come around with her new man, or show up at common social events showing him off, act friendly to him. Show more interest in him than her.

If she's pregnant or married, and she announces the news to you triumphantly, as if she wants you to crumble in sordid devastation, just shrug it off like it's small talk about the weather. Say you already heard from someone else and congratulate her. Never get mad.

Canned Fish

Chances are if you're feeling burned enough to feel the need to retaliate that badly, you may know a girl or guy well enough that you have spare house keys.

Just go in one day when no one's home with a can of tuna or anchovies, and a screwdriver. Find a ceiling vent, remove it, then open it up that can of fish and discreetly tuck it into the vent. Reattach the vent and let time do its thing. And of course, you're not limited to just one can of fish and one vent.

Go After Her Mother

Tell the Mrs. that she looks exceptionally well today, and that something in your groinal region feels funny when you see her. Watch her response closely, for one of two things will happen: She will either smile, place her hand on her throat, blush, and tell you how nice you are, or she will slap you and tell her husband how much of a perv you are. Either way, your ex will be disgusted and jealous of your desire for her mother.