Concluding last week's portion of the article, where we talked about preparing yourself, your woman, and the scene, and then finding the right time to make love.

Penetration

Here's the big moment, losing your flower, and maybe popping her cherry. If this is her first time, then you're probably going to break her hymen, or "pop her cherry". Just to cover all the bases, I'll assume that you don't know what that's really like… when her vagina is exposed to sex for the first time. Her hymen is likely to rupture, and cause some bleeding. This is just from a membrane in her vagina breaking for the first time. It won't hurt, and there won't be too much blood (perhaps none at all), but don't be shocked if there's a little blood on the sheets, or on you. If you pull out to find yourself bloody, don't think that she's set some kind of iron maiden trap inside her - it's just her "cherry" that's been pitted.

A couple of words about actual technique: some women like being jackhammered, some like being made love to sweetly. Most women want the latter. If she wants to be jackhammered, she'll probably say something like "pump me harder, big daddy!" If you want to play the odds, then be strong, but gentle, and remember that the biggest sensation for women is not from penetration; intercourse is only going to enhance the rest of it, which is touching and kissing her. Women are all different, so the only single thing that's going to work, is paying attention to what she's going through. If you're lucky, you've got a woman who's going to communicate her needs to you - don't be insulted by this! This is a very, very good thing, to have a woman tell you what she wants, and conversely, to ask her what she wants is good for both of you.

In fact, I'd say that your first time should not be so much about having a great time, as it is about figuring out what a woman wants in bed. You can read about this all you want, but you won't know until you're there. As I've said, all women are different, and therefore have different things that turn them on and bring them to climax, so it's good to have a nice repertoire of moves with your hands and mouth.

Is it over?

Did she orgasm??

The first time, it can be hard to tell. If you don't hear her screaming her lungs out, don't think she didn't climax, or that she didn't have a good time. Some orgasms are quiet, some are wall-shattering, but both can be equally good for her. The worst thing is to leave a woman hanging, so it's okay to ask her if she "finished" or if there's anything else you can do for her. Now, the first time out, the odds are that she won't get to that point… although you might.

Now, what about you? Here's the bad news, Johnny: your first orgasm will probably come before you want it to, or expect it to. Men's orgasms are a lot like women's, in that there's a lot of control that's involved, and the first time, you likely won't have any, so be prepared to just shoot without warning. This also means accepting that this first ejaculation is just for you, because she probably won't be climaxing at the same time. Just accept it, it's how we start out. Once you get experienced, you can work on making it a mutual orgasm.

Now what?

The best thing you can possibly do, is forget that it's a strange and potentially embarrassing experience and hold her for a while. She'll be wondering what you thought of the whole thing, and holding her will show her that it was worthwhile. This is a good time for compliments, too - something like "That was really wonderful" or "Thanks for sharing yourself with me" but please refrain from "Damn, you're a nice piece of ass" because that will not get you a repeat performance.

Hey, remember that condom? Well, you may be tempted to hang out inside of your woman, but as your erection shrinks, the condom is likely to slip off - so get out of there, and take it off. Then you can get back to some cuddling, on your way to thinking about the next move. If you've shot your wad, then you'll need a new condom anyway, because they're a little awkward when they're carrying a load.

Can we go again?

Men have a 'recharging' period after ejaculation, wherein your erection will leave you for a short while, before being ready again. This period varies greatly, but the average is somewhere around 10-15 minutes. Don't worry if it takes longer, and don't be surprised if you're ready to go again almost immediately… and in a few freak occurrences, you may be able to just keep going without losing a beat!

Well, that's you, how about her? If she didn't climax, then odds are that she's willing to go at it again, in the hopes of having an orgasm herself. Keep in mind that some women can only have one orgasm at a time (some need a recharge, and some need the whole night), so once she's had hers, you should ask her what her timetable is like. Women's bodies can get very sensitive following a climax, so make sure she isn't, before getting inside her again.

How long will it take me to explode?

Men's orgasms, like women's, are all different. When you're starting out, you won't have much control, so expect to shoot pretty early into it. It's also possible that you won't, but more on that later.

One option that a lot of young men use is to just "get the first one out of the way" and then get serious. If you're going to ejaculate early, then so be it - don't sit around and feel bad about it, especially while you're just starting out. Instead, let it happen, and then quickly get to work again. Your sensitivity will be lower the next time around, so you'll be able to go much longer, hopefully.

Here's a blow-by-blow: once you've filled up your condom's tip, relax for a minute and hold her, but keep rubbing her. Replace the condom, and then go right back to her - kissing her body and such. Get her in the mood again, and then when she's ready for it, get back to intercourse. This time around, you should both enjoy it much more.

What are some potential problems?

I'll try and round it down to the nearest million. The biggest thing that might (not) happen, is a lack of erection. It happens. What does it mean? It means nothing. And it's important that you understand this - it means nothing bad for you. Getting erect is all about being excited and comfortable… it's probably very easy for you to do that when you're on your own, but it's quite possible that once you're in front of a naked girl for the first time, you're going to be more anxious and nervous than anything else, and this can cause temporary impotence.

Notice I say "temporary", because it will go away… well, unless you're sitting around worrying too much about it. Nothing kills a hard-on like worrying about it. Just find something else to think about, and you'll be fine. If you're too focused on it, the easiest thing to do is tell the girl that you're a bit nervous. She'll understand, and want to help you out. Most women enjoy watching men touch themselves (hey, just like we like watching them!), so either she can watch you stroke yourself a bit, or else she can do it for you. Either way, just try and relax and enjoy it.

By the same token, you may be too wound up to have an orgasm. It's unlikely, but if it happens, don't worry, it's just a sign that you're nervous, and nothing else.

What else? How about the condom breaking? Yikes - it does happen. This is why it's good to find one that fits well beforehand. If it comes off at any point, just immediately replace it with a new one. Don't worry too much about it - the odds of getting a disease through a few seconds of contact are extremely low.

Here's a problem you might find funny: you're too big to get inside. Or, she's not wet enough, or both. If you're a sizeable guy, then it's possible that you'll find women who aren't wide enough to accommodate you. Don't worry, women are all different sizes, so you'll find plenty of matches out there. It's also a possibility that you're not too big, she's just too nervous, and isn't letting you in. Whatever the reason for you not getting in, just give it time, and see if you can ease into it without forcing it… trying to bulldoze your way in will be painful for both of you.

Finally, a word about protection and prevention.

Birth control

There are many forms of contraception, and none is foolproof. Condoms are the first line of defense, but they aren't the most pleasant, so you'll want to experiment around with the various methods. Your agenda will probably be mostly condoms, until you settle on sex with one partner - once you get a steady lover, then you can try the other ways.

The Pill -- It's 99% effective, or so. If you have supersperm, then that 1% is going to mean kids for you. Other pitfalls are that she could forget to take it one day, or she could run out, or her body could reject it in part. The Pill is among the best methods, but it's not 100%.

Diaphragm - This is like an internal condom that inserts in her vagina. Some women don't like it, although they will probably prefer it to condoms. You'll probably feel the same way, unless you're really long, and you're banging up against it during intercourse. As it lines her cervix, you might be butting your tip up against it, and it doesn't feel so great. Still, unless it gets dislodged, it's as effective as The Pill.

Norplant - This one's a bit freaky: it's a small object that gets surgically inserted into the woman's arm, and releases something similar to the hormones that The Pill does. Not only can she not forget to take it, but it's more effective than the pill, because it's so regular. This is the most effective method you've got right now, but of course, still not quite 100%. If you're not related to Mick Jagger, your sperm might not be superhuman enough to be a problem for Norplant. (more info on Norplant.)

The Pill For Men - This isn't available in North America yet, but I hear it works well. Hell, I'd want to take it, just to make sure that I was covering my bases. Keep your eyes open for it.

Vasectomy - Don't. This is about getting your 'tubes tied' and not being able to shoot sperm. If you're deadset on never having kids, then you might want to look into it, but the sensation isn't nearly as good, and it's tough to reverse the operation, so basically, don't.

The Rhythm Method - Right around her period, a woman can't get pregnant, because her body is in the process of cleaning out its reproductive capabilities for the monthly cycle. If you have sex during this time, you're 100% safe with most women - but be warned: some women don't have a cushion on one side of their period, and if you miss that cushion by one hour, then it's baby time. This is definitely not an effective means of birth control - it's just too easy to make a mistake. Use this only if you don't mind having a child, but perhaps aren't trying for one.

Pulling out - Do! Not! Try! This! Pulling out is playing Russian Roulette. There are two problems: one, you may not feel that exact moment coming, and you may not pull out in time; and you also shoot a lot before your orgasm. You shoot out tiny bursts of semen during sex that carry a bit of sperm. It will probably take you many years to get to the point where you feel that coming out, because it's very, very subtle. Don't take a chance.

Stopping disease

There's a lot of trust that needs to happen between two people. If you're sleeping with someone whom you don't trust implicitly, then protect yourself in as many ways as you can. Wear a suit of armor and spray your little soldier down with Rustoleum and latex housepaint. The point is, that the girl you're with had better be honest about her past and history with STD's, or else you shouldn't be with her.

If you're a virgin, then you have no STD's, and if she is as well, then you have nothing to worry about… still, there are illnesses that you can get by touching someone else, so if you're going to be touching someone a lot, you should really both go get checked out ahead of time. Just go to your school's clinic, or a Family Planning, or your doctor, or even someplace where you can donate blood. Someplace like the Gay And Lesbian Center will give you free tests in exchange for some blood.

Many diseases can take up to six months to show up in your system, so if you're going to be sexually active, then it's a good idea to get checked every six months. You should be getting an annual physical anyway, so find a way to get an extra one every year.

Conclusions

The first time can be daunting, but if you treat it like a learning experience, then sex is going to get better and better - sometimes in the same night! And it's exponentially better if you're doing it with someone you like, so don't be in a rush to hit Vegas and pop your cherry with a hooker.

Sex is a great way to learn some humility, and get to know yourself. By being patient with yourself and your partner, you'll start loving your love-making in no time. Good luck!