I don't know about you, but when I screw up, people let me know. It's made me a bit self-conscious. If it's not one of the boys, or my Mama, you know it's the ol' lady.

When you're at work, and you screw up, you usually don't care too terribly much because of the personal detachment. Aside from the fleeting anxiety over the threat of getting fired, fallouts at work are usually easy to forget about or get beyond. If your boss gets on your case about something trivial, fuck him. Your work speaks for itself. Co-worker getting dramatic and throwing a tantrum? Who cares? They're nobody to you.

On the other hand, violate boundaries with someone you care about, or who cares about you, and apologizing becomes a catalyst for quashing troubles. Think back to when you were in grade school; how sheepish you felt when you crossed your parents to the point of needing an apology, before life returned to its rudimentary pace.

Standing before your parents and working up the nerve to say those two simple words felt like being on trial for your life. Especially when you got older, when dollars and the family name were at stake. It was easier to face the judge than your father when you got picked up by the cops for underage drinking. Smashing the car didn't really sit too well with your folks, and we all would have rather paid for it with our spring break money than have mom and dad find out.

Getting into a spat with one of your friends can be a real pain in the ass if it gets personal, and it sucks to have to break out the game face and show your teeth to one of your cronies -- nobody likes to see friends fighting. Especially when it's within a clique or circle of friends, and it makes social events and outings uncomfortable. And between men, no one wants to be the bigger man. Of course, everyone wants a resolution, but no one wants to take the first step. Swallowing pride comes second only to swallowing hemlock on the "Top 7" list of worst things to swallow.

Now that you're older, you've probably realized that the most serious arguments are with dating partners. Phrases such as "sleeping in the doghouse" indicate that not only do tiffs between you and the "missuz" suck, but that they last for extended lengths of time. And if you are spending nights on the couch (or indeed with the canine), you're obviously not getting any. This in itself is a huge cause of frustration, as I'm sure you don't need me to point out. Unless you're this guy.

You've got enough to worry about (for example, looking good) without being upset about getting your girl's panties in a bunch (and I don't mean that in a sexual way, pervs). You want to stay out of the dirt for as long as you can, and when you do get your boots muddy, you want a quick and easy way out.

Well, wake up, junior! Haven't you seen Rocky IV? "There IS no easy way out!" As with everything, patience will have to become your bedfellow, and you will have to be tactful to redeem your place in the bedroom, as receiver of favors and spoils -- and by those I mean turkey sandwiches with lots of mayonnaise -- well-deserved after an, ahem, long, hard night of, um, work.

With your parents, you can bring it up with food in your mouth, or late at night drunk while your dad's watching the game and your mother's reading. Do some chores to make it up, and it's like a regular episode of The Sopranos again. Healing most fraternal rifts usually involves beer, wrestling, and really, really mean jokes, usually aimed at a third-party. But you know that already. Unless you're this guy.

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Men. We don't like to say we're sorry. It makes us look weak. In addition, it often implies we have done something wrong, or screwed something up. And we hate to admit we've screwed up. We are stubborn ("no, we're not!") and need to be right 110.11% of the time for our egos (read: our penises) to function properly. Admitting our errors translates to a submission of sorts, and since it's all a contest to us, and we have to be the winners, apologizing doesn't fit into our world view, or "g-code," if you will.

It took me 8 shots of Jaeger, 2 airports of Wild Turkey, and a lapdance to "admit" that. Is my simple yet eloquent point clear yet? Admitting our wrongdoing and thus apologizing is difficult for men to do. And if you believe that pap about my articles, and think I seriously just admitted I was wrong, you must have had more to drink than I did.

Listen, you have to ease into it. This means you have to convince yourself (at least partly) that you are not wrong. In order for this to work, you will most probably need to voice your opinion and take your stance at the same time you apologize.

For example, let's say you go to lots of strip clubs with your single friends who can't get laid. Your girlfriend finds out and gets livid because she thinks you want more than she can offer, or that she's not pretty, or whatever usual comment she torpedoes you with. She's firm in thinking that you're in the wrong, so you say something to the effect of:

"Honey, I know you think that I don't find you attractive and I ogle other girls, but I'm just kicking back and hanging out with my buddies. They don't know what it's like to have a loving and supportive, BEAUTIFUL girlfriend like I do. I'm just trying to be there for them. I don't even WANT to go."

This effectively absolves you of any blame or wrongdoing. Let's dissect.

"Honey…" - You ALWAYS start off with a term of endearment.

"I know you think that I…" - This automatically takes whatever she's accusing you of and turns it into a much more digestable half-truth. You are turning it around and making it sound simply like her opinion, therefore convincing yourself you've done no wrong, and thus admitting no wrong, only her perception of such.

"…but I'm just….They…" - Here you are doing what you do best: ducking responsibility and accountability and blaming somebody else. In the previous sentence, you are merely saying that she has a certain perception, and you are ready to show her that she is mistaken, and prove that she actually has a good man. (Ha!) Crucial: this is completely different from actively blaming her. Do this, and you might as well just make the necessary incisions to remove your balls and put them in her pockets, because that's what's about to happen.

"(Whatever I wrote after that)" - Give her some blah-blah-blah about being supportive and give her some positive compliments to make her feel better and, well, supported. This will place you on the upswing, and her facial expression and general air (read: dark cloud above her head) will start to lighten up immediately.

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This can all be followed by your "perceptions" about the situation, and as long as you try to talk about the f-word a lot (feelings), then you can be sure a successful conversation will follow. You see, apologizing isn't so hard, as long as you can convince yourself you're not really apologizing. Because you're not really responsible. You didn't actually do anything wrong, She just thinks you did. And as far as you're concerned, she's wrong.

Heh, heh, heh. Typical. She doesn't ever know what she's talking about, anyway. Shrug it off and realize you can have the upper hand, Oh, and enjoy the welcome back into the presidential suite. No more doghouse for you. You've just earned your turkey sandwich.