  Most of us have felt that punch in the gut when losing someone you love. You collapse in a heap on the couch filled with utter despair. All your energy is used for opening beer cans and creating an mp3 list of depressing music. Go ahead and cry, swear off women, vow to hate her and love her forever. It’s okay, you have experienced a tremendous loss and you need to grieve. But eventually, you are going to have to move on and stop listening to the voices in your head that torture you with the same questions over and over. Your Chaser Magazine Love Doctor is here with some answers that may help you to heal your broken heart. document.write(ad_banner2("
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Question: She said she loved me! Our love is so strong, how could she say she doesn’t love me anymore? Answer: Love is not an entity that is shared. It isn’t something that exists and held by two people like a blanket. Love comes from within each person and although the love you feel is alive and strong, it is entirely possible that she does not feel the same way. That doesn’t mean your love isn’t real, it is – but it exists only inside you. It is a difficult truth to accept, but be proud that you can love someone so deeply and genuinely. If she does not value what you have to offer and cannot love you in return, then she is not the right woman for you. We all deserve someone who is willing and able to reciprocate the love we give so freely.
Q: Why doesn’t she love me anymore? Her reasons for breaking up don’t make sense and it’s driving me crazy trying to figure it out. Should I ask her again to try to get the truth? A: You could ask her, but you most likely will get the same reasons she has given you before. If you sense that she isn’t being completely honest with you, then she must have her reasons for holding back certain information. Perhaps she doesn’t have the strength to tell you something that would hurt you very deeply. Accept the fact that you may never know everything she is thinking and feeling. The only truth you have to understand and accept is that she no longer desires to be with you and your relationship is over.
Q: How can I live without her? I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t do anything but listen to love songs all day. Help! A: You can live without her. In fact, there is no one else in the world that can take care of you better than yourself. You are the one person in the world that you can always depend on. No one else can make you happy. The first thing you need to do is stay healthy. Even if you have to force yourself, you need to stay hydrated (no, vodka does not count) and you need to eat. Create a list of things that comfort you and activities that you usually enjoy. Pamper and indulge yourself with these pleasurable activities. Also, never underestimate the healing power of friendship. Call up a buddy or two and tell them what you’re going through. You’ll be surprised to hear them tell you that they know what you are going through and they can lend an ear and sympathy. They may even take you out to cheer you up.
Q: I know that we are meant to be together, how can I get her back? A: You can’t force someone to be with you. Forcing someone through guilt or pity will only create resentment and push them further away. If you want to suggest a reconciliation, she has to be willing to try as well. If there were previous issues with your relationship such as problems with communication or intimacy, those issues will return unless you both commit to addressing them. Crazy stunts like stalking her might get her attention, but it will probably only make her more convinced that she made the right decision to leave you. The best thing for you to do is to let her know that you still have feelings for her and you are willing to work on your relationship and the issues that tore the two of you apart. Some couples go to a relationship counselor or a Marriage Family Therapist to talk about their issues with a third party. If she still turns you down, accept it gracefully and move on with your life and be the best person that you can be, learning the lessons gained from this breakup. After all, it is entirely possible that in the future, both of you may meet again and decide to give your relationship another try. In that case, you will want to be in a stable and healthy place in your life. By then, if she is still unable to recognize that you are a great catch, it is inevitable that another woman will.
Everyone tells you that there are more fish in the sea, that she never deserved you anyway, and that you can do better... you nod in agreement but deep down you feel like she is the only one you will ever love. How do you move on? It takes time. Although that sounds cryptic and infuriatingly vague, it's true that it takes time to work through this loss. Let yourself take as much time as you need to process the grief, the anger, and then the steps necessary to heal and repair your heart and soul. |
