By: The Horny Viking

Ah yes, where would this world be without the fearless sexual pioneers that encompass the Rush universe? The right way, I should think.

So - I just had sex after popping half a Viagra. Now, before I get any further, I would like to assure you: I’ve never had an erection problem. This was simply a scientific experiment gone - well - pretty good, actually. I believe in trying everything once and this was one of those “everything’s.”

Anyway, let's skip all the morals (like I ever had any!) and go straight to the shizznatch!

In the dream, I was walking up to an old, ramshackle ranch style cottage. It was a peach color, matching the landscape of the sunset speckled sky, and I was not walking alone. Their identities unnoticeable, three of my close friends walked along with me as we approached a man standing just outside the front door smoking a freshly lit cigarette.

He was a homely middle-aged white man with a dirty blonde mullet and was the type of guy that had no business at the high rollers table. He seemed oblivious to his rapidly receding hairline, and smiled a toothless grin behind the smoke. He greeted the friend to my right, then to my left, and then my other friend without acknowledging me. The friend to my left quickly introduced him to me, but I cannot remember his name. Waldo maybe, or Wilson. His name was perfect for his hillbilly appearance, and he grabbed my hand in his, a humongous ball of flesh that seemed to swallow mine as if it were a child's. He continued to grin toothlessly, and invited us into the house.

I don't know about you, but when I screw up, people let me know. It's made me a bit self-conscious. If it's not one of the boys, or my Mama, you know it's the ol' lady.

When you're at work, and you screw up, you usually don't care too terribly much because of the personal detachment. Aside from the fleeting anxiety over the threat of getting fired, fallouts at work are usually easy to forget about or get beyond. If your boss gets on your case about something trivial, fuck him. Your work speaks for itself. Co-worker getting dramatic and throwing a tantrum? Who cares? They're nobody to you.

On the other hand, violate boundaries with someone you care about, or who cares about you, and apologizing becomes a catalyst for quashing troubles. Think back to when you were in grade school; how sheepish you felt when you crossed your parents to the point of needing an apology, before life returned to its rudimentary pace.

Standing before your parents and working up the nerve to say those two simple words felt like being on trial for your life. Especially when you got older, when dollars and the family name were at stake. It was easier to face the judge than your father when you got picked up by the cops for underage drinking. Smashing the car didn't really sit too well with your folks, and we all would have rather paid for it with our spring break money than have mom and dad find out.

You aren't going to believe this but I swear every word I am telling you is true. May the Force strike me down dead if it isn't!

Last night, I got together with Darth Maul. Yes, I said Darth. As in Sith. As in E-V-I-L.

Ok, call me crazy, but I honestly didn't know who he was when I first met him. It's not like there are "Have You Seen Me?" pictures of the Sith everywhere so you can identify who they are. Anyway, I was hired last night to help cater this event for some of the officers in the Trade Federation. I did it as a favor for a friend hired to host the party and was shorthanded. Besides, I thought it would be a good way to meet people. Alright fine, I thought it was a good way to meet men. Better than staying home alone again, right?

So as I'm gliding around the floor in this ridiculous white and gold gown trying to look like I am overjoyed to be serving refreshments, I see this mysterious looking guy in a black hooded cape hanging out in the corner by himself. There was just something about him that got my attention. The room was packed with several representatives from all over the galaxy, humans were definitely the minority there so it wasn't the fact that he had horns or vicious looking teeth that made him stand out from the crowd. He had this quiet confident pose, with this bemused grin on his face as if he was the keeper of a secret everyone else in the room wished they knew. I was immediately intrigued.

We asked six women- what's the best first impression a guy can make? Are there certain things to say, a way of shaking hands, a look, a nice car, a certain air- that make some men more appealing at first blush? And what's the best first impression a (prospective date quality) guy has made on you?