It's that time of year again. Not tax time, although that's right around the corner, too. I'm talking about Valentine's Day. The one day of the year guys (and their checking accounts) dread, and women love, unless they're single. Also, this is the only day in the whole year that matters for hopeless romantics, even though it's traditionally a sure-shot failure for them. Many women (read: all your girlfriends) want Valentine's Day to be like a scene from Cinderella. A pompous affair, involving lots of candles, expensive wine, fountains, and the phrase "out on the town."

However, if this isn't your first Valentine's Day with the one you're with, or if you're already a big spender and you're all burned out, your girlfriend is agoraphobic… whatever the case may be, you may want to stay in. Warning - note that this does not mean that carrying the evening will be any easier.

What you need to understand is that Valentine's Day isn't a holiday for couples - it's a day for boyfriends to make their girlfriends feel special. Thus "letting" your girlfriend do the cooking if you stay in isn't going to fly. Even if you have no experience in the kitchen, you will undoubtedly get points for trying. Women often see this as "cute."

Stay within your bounds, though. A burnt tuna casserole spells R-O-L-A-I-D-S, not R-O-M-A-N-C-E. On the other end of the spectrum, unless your girlfriend is a pre-school teacher and baby-talks all the time, PBJ's are a bad idea, too. Stick to something easy to make like pasta, or go with a "shortcut" product like Stove Top Classics or Lipton Noodles & Sauce. You can sometimes mask the fact that most of the dinner came in a bag or a box, and even if she finds out, you won't lose too much respect.

“Throw your hands up in the air, it’s a stick-up…”
- Kelis

Wait. I thought this said “Digits” at the top. What the hell? Cyprian? Digits? There must be some mistake.

There was a time when I felt my position as an editorialist of relationship content (in other words, the gal that metes out insidious advice) must have been fed to me on a plate of irony. It doesn't take a brainiac to figure out that I've had my share of failures in the love department. If anything, I've got the love 'em and leave 'em thing down pat. So yeah, basically I'm as clueless as the rest of you out there. The only difference between you and me is the fact that writing skill paired with a little editorial analysis -- oh, and my definite lack of shame -- has found me here.

I will admit that there was a time in my life when men seemed… well, let's just say you seemed a little scary. I'm mean, ya'll are strange, hairy little creatures. You say things that don't make sense. You leave the damned toilet seat up. Oh, and you scream at traffic that is most definitely NOT going to be scared into moving by your tough guy tantrum. I'll admit that your slick guy moves and arrogant facades just about had me fooled. That is, until I started paying attention. Oh, and I received the following e-mail from a brave chap named Brian in Chicago.

What's this I hear about you possibly dumping your girlfriend? I've been informed that you're a little on the fence regarding the idea -- not sure what to do, wondering whether your girlfriend is good enough for you? Hey look, I don't really know you all that well, or your lady for that matter. But I feel as if I should let you in on something -- not a dirty little secret about what she's really doing with her gal pals on Thursday nights -- but rather clue you in to a few things that you may have overlooked when contemplating the breakup.

It's a tough thing to say goodbye to someone you have been with for any length of time. And sometimes your perspective can be skewed, time having blurred the memory of all the great little things about her that do it for you.

You may believe that this is no big issue. Perhaps it is not, and my insight is not required. However, there are many guys out there without a girlfriend who would jump at the chance to get their shot at what is currently yours. Do I have your attention?

For whatever reason, you find yourself using public transportation for the first time in a long time. Not since the early days of high school have you made the long climb up the stairs, dropped in your fare and purposely sat far away from the old man with his dick hanging out of his pants.

The city bus isn't all bad mind you. If your lucky, in addition to the seventeen-year-old mothers with crying babies, aging sexual deviants and drunken guys who look and smell the part, the bus is sometimes loaded with hot chicks. And even if it isn't loaded with them, chances are pretty good your going to run into one hot chick on her way to her job at the sunglass hut downtown. She is at the back in the window seat, and you've got to have her.

Hook

Getting the phone number of a girl on the bus is not a suitable task for the weak and inexperienced. This is a highly tactical, highly technical ploy. The skills required in order to achieve at this seemingly insurmountable of tasks are found only in the most seasoned of veterans, so if you are still uncomfortable and unsure of yourself, you should probably go back and re-read some older installments of digits. For those of you with more confidence, more experience and a more properly refined technique, please read on.