SWF seeks male. Must be emotionally available, secure, dependable, compassionate, loving, attentive, motivated, commitment inclined, affectionate, tender, impetuous, romantic, intelligent, mechanically knowledgeable, loves animals, is tender toward babes (the pre-pubescent variety), says hello to complete strangers, gives his time to the underprivileged, recognizes moments of rapture while they are present, can appreciate an aromatic cup-o-joe, knows the difference between a samba and bossa nova beat, enjoys a good night of spooning, reads poetry in bed, recalls my allergy to garlic, my love of lilies, and my fascination with dusty old books, is not phased when asked to hold a woman's purse in public, has a diverse culinary pallet, appreciates Madama Butterfly, relishes Cinema Paridiso, and understands Sartre.

SM seeks female with stunning face, amazing bod, who knows how to have a good time. Oh and please, high-maintenance women need not apply!

Yes, that’s me holding the bouquet! I’m the one looking flushed, glowing, and ever so magnetic in that pervasive wedding day luster that seems to ooze from every pore. The pearly whites showing between the pert parting of my crimson painted lips can’t really be accounted to a particular feeling of joy however. The flushed cheeks are more likely the result of having spent four hours in utter embarrassment, and the glow merely a scorched burn from what seemed like forever standing in the noonday sun posing for an endless array of “say cheese” photos. Oh, and we mustn’t forget about that magnetic aura I seem to have been exuding that day. I think we can chalk that one up to none other than The Wedding Day Dating Game I seem to have become an unwilling participant in as soon as the hosts saw that my RSVP signaled that I was flying solo for their special day.

I was sitting around the other day, watching Yu Yu Hakusho on the Cartoon Network and eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch, when suddenly my mind started to wander...

I have a friend who's basically given up on women. Not so much given up on women as set extremely high standards: his women have to be hot, vegetarian, non-Republican, non-religious, and ideally Asian, among other things. He wasn't like this a year ago, in fact he didn't care about any of those criteria previously. Why had his mind changed?

Because of his ex-girlfriend.

Now like so many of my friends recently, his ex- had cheated on him. I meditated on this and realized that I've never known a guy who has cheated on his girlfriend, but rather it's always been his girlfriend cheating on him. So I asked some of my friends, who also asked around, and a few things came up: almost all of us know guys who have been cheated on or girls who cheat, and most of them know more girls who have cheated than guys. In fact, most guys know fewer guys who have cheated than girls who have cheated. (Albeit some male Rush staffers know an overwhelming number of guys who have cheated, which goes to show you we're complete bastards.)

Given this non-scientific survey, I came up with a list of questions below, and after some discussion and rational analysis, I came to some conclusions. Note that this FAQ is designed for men, but much of the advice could be useful for women too.

Month Number One

Mike was the only thing I saw as I stepped into Starbucks that morning for my regular grande mint latte. It was as if some angelic aura had cast a glow around his being, making it impossible to notice anything else that may have existed within the caffeine palace.

When I faked a stumble over my imaginary shoelace -- I was wearing heels that day -- that resulted in a coffee spillage all over his cleanly-pressed Tuesday corporate America attire, he simply smiled and shot me an adorable “I don’t mind that you’re a complete klutz” look. Following a brief intermission in the bathroom to clean up the evidence, he then engaged me in a very intriguing conversation about stocks and profit-sharing (or something rather mundane), which suddenly became all the more fascinating when being uttered from his perfectly kissable lips. When he stood to say goodbye in all his 6’1” glory, I couldn’t help but notice that he simply exuded perfection. His blue linen shirt matched the azure depth of his eyes, and these weren’t just any blue eyes either. This wasn’t the murky blue of a river stream, but rather the incandescent blue of Tahitian waters. I could have taken a plunge at that very moment. He even had that sexy butt chin, and how often do you encounter a young Tom Selleck look-alike at your local Starbucks?

It seems that when it comes to men, there is perhaps a 10 year or so period in which one has to grab hold and not let go of a viable specimen. Yes, men have a shelf life! You see, whether you realize it or not, we women are on to the fact that a pony too young finds us with the emotional maturity we left behind in grade school, while a mule too old finds us running to the store when the Viagra runs low. There is a new trend (or perhaps, newly publicized trend) that has piqued my interest as of late. As someone who has always had trouble finding compatibility in the arms of a junior in age, I am quite enamored by the new art of tadpoling.

I understand that love comes in many shapes and sizes, but when it comes to fishing in the sea for one of those sprightly amphibian babies, I’ll be the first to submit my application to Novice-R-Us. What’s tadpoling you ask? It’s none other than the art of younger male seduction that Mrs. Robinson seemed to hold a masters degree in. Coined only recently by Miramax executives with the release of the new Sigourney Weaver flick Tadpole, this term refers to the pairing of older women to younger men. Yes, it does happen! In fact, Miramax went so far as to put together an internet poll to gain knowledge in the area, and found that one in five men, and one in 10 women, admit to succumbing to the lure of the tadpole at one time or another.