Everyone not named J. Lo has been there. And because she doesn’t read the site, that means you. Did you bust out the tub of ice cream? Or did you troll the streets for transvestite hookers? In either case you made the wrong decision. Here’s what you should have done.

Tell Yourself You're Better Off Without Her

Convince yourself that it was her problem, not yours. Tell yourself whatever you need in order to believe that life is better without her. She had an overbearing mother whom you hated anyway. You didn't like the way she snorted or cleared her throat. You hated her laugh and the way she nagged at you to pick your dirty underwear off the floor. She had ugly feet. The bottom line is, your ex wasn't good enough for you.   

Forget You Ever Met Her

Desperate times call for desperate men. Pretend that you never met her, and in your desperate attempt to flee from your feelings you just might be able to achieve peace of mind. In the event that she tries to contact you later, avoid speaking to her at all costs. Any conversation with her will aid in retrieving your memories, and ultimately, your downfall.

Act Out

Chase tail, hang out in clubs and bars incessantly. Also consider smoking, porn, masturbation, yelling dramatically, and telling everyone on Earth about your sorrows.

Hang Out With Friends Who Didn't Like Her

Even if everything seemed all nice and sweet when you were together, you had a buddy or two who just didn't like her and will not hesitate to point out her skanky qualities now that she's out of the picture.

Acquire an addiction

Redirect that uneasy energy onto something that will burn your time and money. Excellent suggestions include gambling, gaming and exercise. Go ahead and be a walking shell of yourself. But be a shell with a six pack.

Reality

Accept that some piece of you will most likely always hang onto her. You’ll have daydreams about how things could have been different. You'll cry in the shower, or in bed, but then you'll meet someone new, and for a few moments you'll feel life has begun wonderfully anew.

But on some level you'll always remember her, and how much it hurt.

Find A New Girl You Will Have No Problem Dumping

You need a rebound. Doesn't matter who she is or what she is like, just that she trumps the girl that broke your heart. You want to think that this new person is better looking, better in bed, smarter, funnier, classier, what have you – all in an effort to boost ego.

Then when you’ve regained your confidence you can dump the rebound skank.