Pick your nose

Hell, everybody else does it. Now is your chance to get a pass and get away with it. Just make sure no one you know or anybody hot is looking your way.

Also, if you date women, don't flick on the seat.

Sleep

Sitting at a red light is a tiresome experience. Sitting at a green light and not moving is even more mentally exhausting. Rebel against the crawling trepidation of society and doze off during rush hour. Use your traffic time wisely and power nap. Surely others are doing it, which would explain the standstill of traffic. For even better results, equip your vehicle with draw-down shades over each window. Just before dozing, pull the shades down and let everyone know you'll be out of commission for the next few minutes. Then simply ignore their angry car horns.

Check for embarrassing facial hairs

Bring along one of those mini-hair groomers you see advertised everywhere on basic cable and do some housecleaning. Nose, ears, potential unibrows, whatever. How often do you have that much free time to devote to yourself? You've got plenty of mirrors at your disposal so there's plenty of opportunities to check yourself from all kinds of angles.

Question the right of others to be on the road

"Where are you going? I'm going to visit my dying mother you fuckwad. It isn't even rush hour, why are you asses here? Oh I guess that guy does look like he's going to work. Why doesn't he work on his own side of the bridge? Housing more affordable? It's called birth control asswipe. Use it until you can pay to house your insipid hell spawn within ten minutes of work. Look, a bunch of college girls dressed up and packed into a car. There's plenty of date rape available where you came from. No need to use my fucking road."

Catch the News

Let's be honest, no one watches the news. Hit up NPR and let the current events roll in. Who knows, it may come in handy when people start up a conversation over drinks. You can throw in things like, "Oh yeah, I heard that on the news today..."

Masturbate

Because not all men are lucky enough to get stuck in traffic on a regular basis with a woman in the car, this is the next best thing. Be sure to keep a stash of porn in the glove compartment. Make sure to keep it locked, and if somebody should ask why this is so, just tell her that it always has been and always will be stuck.

Trust us, you don't want your lady friend to find out that you enjoy a good mid-morning public stroke session to chicks with dicks with horses. Not on the first date anyway.

Make Phone Calls

Multi-task. The days of cellular service make it possible to look forward to being stuck in traffic. Call your mother or your brother or your long lost friend from Saskatoon. Use your time wisely. Shoot the breeze. Chances are that traffic is moving so slowly there is no danger of an accident. Scroll through your phone book and make a date. Fuck it. Use the extra minute to work or call back that Julie that you met at Bar Marmont last weekend. The grace period is over and you need to get laid. Listen to her drone on about how she bought a new pair of shoes today. You've got the time, there's a million cars between you and home.

Drive on the shoulder

Do you ever get the feeling that you're different and the laws of man and nature don't apply to you? Well you aren't. You're just a loser damaged by excessive positive reinforcement from limp wristed boomer parents. Embrace this unwarranted confidence by driving on the shoulder. Don't worry about the legality of the act. Mommy and Daddy love and support you.