“The most articulated toy in the world” comes with a drawback for the little kiddies. It’s intended for ages 10 and over because of the small pieces and sharp edges. This takes a hit because I could see myself going nuts over this toy at age 6 or 7. Sad. This was information I wished I had before the fact, anyhow, seeing as how now my good foot is done for, thanks to the “tool.”

We arrived in Antigua, and headed to the beach to find wives. Our soldier friends were pretty calm during the flight, but once we found some voluptuous ladies, the two figures were like the Rock Steady Crew. I had never seen such graceful, fluid movement. They defied gravity, physics, and the human tendon and ligament system with their breakdancing.

To help work the crowd, we peeled some silly smile stickers off of the sheet to affix to their morbid, somber faces. Their militance blended into a user-friendly, mainstream-accessible lovey-doveyness that was a hit with the ladies. You know how it is. Girls love men in uniform. Their virility stayed intact. Definite bonus.

The girls were fascinated. Speaking of girls, there are plenty of female STIKFAS counterparts. I was thumbing through www.stikfas.com and found some pink ninjas with ponytails on dragons and shit that looked like they could kick the boys’ asses, much like the pink female ninja assassin on the 80’s Transformers cartoon.

Recreating every memorable action pose from every memorable action movie of the last twenty years, the figures were exceptional in their range and durability. Bonus. They took on a lot of wear-and-tear. However, within the first 24 hours of putting one together, its arm snapped off of the socket, rendering it unusable while I was trying to impress a little hottie. Luckily, I had some more parts to patch my guy up. The benefit of the doubt here will tell you that maybe being too rough, or 24 years old, may significantly decrease the life of your STIKFAS figure.

The girls loved ‘em. Concordantly, they loved us, too. We asked them to marry us. They obliged. And just as soon as they said “yes,” wouldn’t you know it, the bad guys showed up. The STIK hit the fan.

Just as the bad guys appeared out of nowhere, the action figures came to life, they stepped back into kung fu stances, and while they did, we affixed some mean faces and skull decals on their torsos to make them more intimidating.

The range of motion these little 3” action figures exhibited while engaging in the visually stimulating fight scenes was absolutely incredible. The deft acrobatic skill shown was unbelievable. They reversed momentum and moved like lightning. Not to mention they kicked a bunch of 6-foot-tall dudes’ asses.

Incidentally, after all the flip kicks and mid-air bodyslams, they realized the thugs were packing some pretty heavy guns. So, Jason and I tossed the figures their riot gear and machine guns. Let’s just say, Advantage: STIKFAS.

I thought, naturally, that we were in the clear. This was one bad-ass toy. However, the STIKFAS boys were so bad-ass, that they just took our women, headed to the huts, and left us in the cold, with nothing but our return tickets and a hell of a story.

So, I guess that means STIKFAS figures rule. Just watch out for your girlfriends and daughters. For more info, including pictures and press releases, go to www.stikfas.com.

View all the scandalous pictures Cyp took on Page 3...