Forever happens in the moment. If this is true then it is not surprising that so too does genius find genesis in tenuous time frames.

A single moment is theoretically indistinct, the line separating one from another a subjective matter of precision and not fact. And yet it exists as surely as it does not. In this way it is tempting for the casual observer to conclude that the beauty of creation occurs over a compounding period of many moments, but such is not the case. Everything in a moment, exact and inexact.

I speak of truth, the truth of the universe and the human condition laid bare in an instant. It is the flash of separation, of genius rising above the genetic wasteland of life. These moments do not occur independent of being. They exist inside of us, the chosen few. Through the vehicle of the moment Michael Jordan gifts us with all that is worthwhile about mankind. In these slivers of time we lay the artistic and intellectual foundation for the human race.

Mozart used his moment to create music. Michelangelo used his to create gay religious art. Madonna used hers to fuck someone with a very large penis.

And I?

I create profanity.

That will be the legacy of Morgan’s moment.

When stricken with an apoplectic rage I am touched by the knowing hand of the divine, favored by the intoxicating breath of the muse, blessed with the ability to forge the future of the vernacular. Truly, for creating the inimitable we few are Gods among men.

The delicate manipulation of the cuss is an art. In its nascent stages profanity is a child to be nurtured and shaped in one’s own image. And though it is an art, intuitive and not deliberate, in the hands of the skilled practitioner it can assume a veneer of craft.

I create profanity. This is no trifling matter. This is no joke, no facetious jab at the stereotypical tortured genius.

 Know that those afflicted with the calling have no choice. I lived my youth as most do, naïve to the way and beauty of the profane word. Parental enforcement ensured my ignorance. Well meaning adults and censorship ratings systems conspired to lock the yearning light of my creativity in the dank cellar of their heavy handed dogmatism.

The juxtaposition of two opposing forces begets conflict. Conflict is the substance of life. It is the facilitator of death. Me. Society. Profanity. Propriety. The seams of my sanity tested daily by the fury and sorrow stemming from the stifling of my spirit.

And then I turned ten.

The blinders fell away, torn down by the vulgarity of my tongue. Finally I saw the light.

Now I use it to illuminate you.

The Craft

As with any craft, rules and protocol dictate practice. Often these rules will seem arbitrary and imperfect. The explanation is simple. The creation of profanity is in fact an art, not a craft. Artists are born and craftsmen are trained. Process does not create it merely seeks to explain the inscrutable to the incapable.

However, as stated earlier the veneer of craft exists and those not blessed with artistic vision can still achieve a certain level of proficiency. They can be fine craftsmen.

This is my gift to you, the cave dwelling masses ignorant to the joys of creating profanity, inured to the mean existence of using single, contextually dependent terms.

But first, an introductory (not comprehensive) list of those single terms, for they are literally the building blocks of the art.

Fuck, ass, cock, bitch, wad, suck, jack, hole, whore, jizz, ho, dumb, wipe, mother, pussy, prick, punk, cunt, sperm.

One immediately notices that not all of these terms are cusses in the strictest sense. This issue will be addressed later in the section, Profane vs. Non-Profane. Also, secondary words paired in universally accepted compound terms such as “asswipe” are eligible for this list by association.

The primary goal of profanity creation is to ensure originality and liveliness by compounding terms and stringing them without breaking the inherent lilt of the cuss flow. The cuss flow is key. It is what keeps seemingly disconnected terms together both aesthetically and audibly. Any fool can combine and string words hastily but only a chosen and practiced few can make it work.