Chances are, when you are drunk beyond belief and counting down to the New Year, some small part of you will be wondering if those few ticks represent the end of civilization- that perhaps Lucifer will rise to crush mankind or at least a horde of computer networks with Y2K bugs, viruses and the like. At least that's what you think.

Chances are, by the time you read these words it's already the year 2000, somewhere in Fiji, New Zealand or Japan. Happy new year. Can someone hand me the lyrics to Auld Lang Syne?

Why does the good guy always win?

Is it creative inertia, a warped and misdirected sense of morality, or just plain stupidity that is responsible for this phenomenon? In most every work of fiction, where there is a clearly good protagonist and an evil antagonist, the good guy wins. Other tired clichés involving the good/bad dichotomy have shifted through history. It used to be that the good guy always wore white. He was always better looking. It was usually a "he."

The story goes something like this, and I'm sure you've heard it: media censors such as the MPAA and FCC have at times been widely accused of exerting double standards when it comes to censoring the twin evils of sex and violence. And there is merit to this position. It is true that there is seemingly one standard for how much sex and nudity can be in a film or television show, and another standard for violence.

Death offscreen, is always ok. It passes muster with all the censors. Even death onscreen is largely ok if it is bloodless, and relatively short. Man gets shot in the chest in a scene that lasts less than 3 seconds. This type of thing can easily find its way into a PG film. With animation, it's even more lax. I saw a man accidentally hang himself in Tarzan! Things are allowed to get pretty violent in a G or PG rated animated film, but they aren't allowed to get naked. Such is the hypocrisy, or so critics such as Roger Ebert assert.

Leonardo Dicaprio, Naomi Campbell, Jack Nicholson. What do these people have in common? They are idiots. Yes that's correct. They, like so many other posturing pseudo intellectual morons have hopped onto the pinko commie bandwagon. You know the one I'm talking about. The type of people who think Che Guevarra belongs on t-shirts and coffee mugs, and that it's the pinnacle of idealist chic to visit the perpetually authentic, enlightened and progressive state of Cuba.

Ah Cuba. What once was, before the benign communist revolution, a place for rich foreigners to taste the sandy beaches and underage prostitutes- has now become a place for rich foreigners to taste the sandy beaches and underage prostitutes. Good job Fidel.

Being that this is an online men's magazine, the topic of this article should come as no shock. It might even read a little redundant and superfluous, but wait, there is an interesting and perhaps unique insight I have to share with you. And that insight is of course, that women are more attractive than men. Aesthetically speaking, they simply look better.

This is a tricky matter to address. Obviously we all approach this subject with very ingrained biases. For the record I am a heterosexual male. Now one might think that I should at least be bisexual before making anything close to an objective conclusion on this topic- but I'm not bisexual. And I don't care about this column enough to change that.