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Page 1 of 2  You're pretty tough. You may not look it, but you know you are. You're also a babe magnet. You may not look it, but the ladies know. You're also as resourceful as MacGyver, aren't you? You may not look it, but if lives were on the line, you'd come through and save the world.
Right. Sure, pal. It's not that I don't believe you, it's that I know the odds -- and the odds say that you've got an unrealistic vision of your own self-worth, your ability to be The Man. You've watched too many movies, lived on a farm for too long, and you've forgotten about this little thing called reality. This week's Top7 List is all about being The Man, or rather, falling short of it.
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| You've got an arm
If you just worked out, you'd be able to zip a tight spiral 70 yards. If you'd just get around to doing stretching exercises, you'd be able to throw a supersonic fastball. If you had someone to practice with, you'd be able to throw out Rickey Henderson at home plate, from the track in right. Dream on, spaghetti arms.
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| You could outrun the cops
If you were ever -- wrongfully -- accused of something, you'd be able to escape custody. You'd outdrive all those cops who have decades of experience in highway pursuit, and then you'd blend in and disappear. The Feds would never be able to find you, you're such a sneak! More likely, the only place you could hide out is in that pile of clothes in the closet.
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| You've got rhythm
You can dance like Alvin Ailey. You can get down like Soul Train. You've got as much grace as Barishnikov. The Go-Go's were talking about you having the beat. We'll forget those two left feet, and the fact that you've only got one move that keeps time like a clock without hands. You haven't been able to dance with anyone since "Jump Around" left the clubs.
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| You could turn a lesbian straight
She's only gay because she's got the wrong idea about men. She just hasn't met the right one yet, the one that can show her that men can be everything she's always dreamed they could be... Actually, someone exactly like you is probably the reason she first thought about coming out. The one thing you probably could do to her is confirm all her ideas about men. List #4b: She can't kick your ass.
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| She's never faked it
You can spot a fake orgasm a mile away, can't you? You'd know for sure if she was acting in order for it to just...be...over. Yes, of course you'd know it if you saw it, but you're such a champ that it's never happened to you. Funny, almost every woman has faked it, so how does that work into the equation?
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| You're 100% hetero
Damn fags, you can't stand them. And no, it's not because you're homophobic. Your hatred of poofers has nothing to do with you being in denial, we all know that. You're so macho, there's not a gay bone in your body -- look what an alpha-male you are! Never mind that plenty of gay men are alpha males. Never mind that no one is completely heterosexual, you're the exception.
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