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#15: Worst Movie Beatings of All Time |
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Written by Jesse Thompson
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Monday, 26 November 2001 |
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Page 1 of 2  What is it about fighting that is so hard to turn away from? Humans, or rather, men, have a terrible primal urge to either fight or watch a fight, and the film industry is all too eager to take advantage of this weakness. The evidence is movie after movie that shows not just fighting, but someone taking an ass whupping so bad that it makes us whince. This week's Top7 List shows off the best of the worst, the Top Movie Beatings.
What does it take to be notoriously listed here? One punch won't do it. A few of you wrote in that American History X might be considered, but one kick in the head doesn't cut it (er, pardon the pun). This is about taking it, and the longer it goes on the better--or rather, worse--it is. Blunt instruments count. Sharp instruments count. And even more points go to more than one person getting whacked to jelly at the same time. One caveat is that beating women (Boys Don't Cry, What's Love Got To Do With It) is just too amoral to be included. Only dumb guys beating dumb guys!
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| Rocky 1976
Any boxing movie is going to have good pugilist action, but the end of Rocky was both glorious and painful to watch. The champ and the challenger, beating each other onto the ground, to the point where only one can stand up, and just barely, at that. The legend of the little Italian Stallion that could take a beating had begun!
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| Lethal Weapon 4 1998
Of all the villains in the Lethal movies, the setup for Jet Li was the best. Gary Busey and even the pair of South Africans were formidable to be sure, but you had to know that Riggs and Murtaugh were going to waste that ass. There was more doubt leading up to the finale of Lethal Weapon 4, because we had seen how unstoppable Li was.
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| Fight Club 1999
"I felt like destroying something beautiful," says Jack, after he turns Jared Leto's face into silly puddy. Not only do we have to watch the brutal thrashing that makes the tough guys in the film look away, but we have to live with seeing Leto post-smackdown, with his face never to be the same. And of course, there were plenty of other violent moments (chemical burn, Tyler's beating, Jack's self-whipping).
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| Casino 1995
So hard to pick one Scorsese. Good cases can be made for so many, but Casino has one of the most brutal, and it happens so early in the film, that is sets the tone for the rest of the three hours. Token insane heavy Joe Pesci goes off on a poor, unsuspecting punk who mouths off for the last time. Not only is a pen to the neck involved, but after the stabbing is over, Pesci keeps the kicks coming.
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| Payback 1999
Mel took over the directing for this movie when he decided that it wasn't edgy enough, and that included directing himself taking one of the worst creamings of all time. After quite a long spell of taking fists to the face, James Coburn comes onto the scene and Porter takes a hammer to the toes. Those crunching sounds aren't going to be bruises, kids. The capper is that it's all a setup, which means that the whole beating is part of Porter's plan!
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| They Live 1988
If I hadn't been invited to a screening of this one, I surely would have missed out on one of the more entertaining John Carpenter movies. Starring (Rowdy) Roddy Piper and Keith David, the highlight of the film involves the two protagonists wailing on each other for...a...very...long...time. I'm not kidding, it seems like ten minutes of non-stop street fight, using everything in the alley to pound the other into the tarmac. Not only is it an equal, double-waxing, but both the battlers are supposed to be friends!
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